


Suppose We Never Ever

by playfullips (dessertmeltdown)



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-14
Updated: 2012-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-29 12:11:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dessertmeltdown/pseuds/playfullips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Haley breaks it off with Spencer, Brendon helps him get back on his feet. Time passes, and Spencer finds himself seeing Brendon in a different light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suppose We Never Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks Miranda, Julia, and Heather for doing an awesome job on betaing this fic. This was written for BBB 2009.

One morning in early December, Spencer wakes up to find Haley sitting in the living room with everything she owns sitting at her feet. It looks like she's been crying, but she's calm now. She says, "I'm leaving," in a way that makes Spencer feel like there's nothing he can do to stop her. Her mind is made up. She doesn't give an explanation, and he doesn't ask.

She hugs him and says goodbye and maybe someday things will be different, maybe they can be friends, but right now she needs to go. She says it's complicated and they need to spend time apart and she needs space and other excuses that fall dead on Spencer's ears, things that don't make sense to him. Spencer watches her walk out of his life, and he pretends it doesn't nearly kill him to see the cab drive off.

+

It's been a few days since Spencer has had any interaction with the outside world. His phone died sometime yesterday, and he didn't really feel like charging it. There had been no reason. He had given up hope that Haley was going to call sometime around 2AM the night that she had left, and he doesn't want to talk to anyone else. Mostly, he just wants to sit around and wallow in self pity.

He thinks over and over again about how he could have at least tried to stop her, begged her to not to go, _anything_ to make her stay. He doesn't think it would have done any good, but he could have tried. Or maybe it goes further. He wishes he could have thought of anything that would have changed this outcome, but he just keeps coming up blank. He has no idea what he did wrong. Maybe he didn't do anything wrong. Somehow knowing that makes it worse. At least if it was something he had done, he could have fixed it. Maybe he could even fix it _now_. But it had just ended.

He takes a few minutes to let the dogs out into the backyard, to feed and water them, because he would feel even worse if he neglected them on top of everything else that's going on. He thinks they're feeling the same way he is. They both keep looking at the door, like they're waiting for someone to come through, like they're waiting for _Haley_ to come home. Spencer would be lying if he tried to say he didn't sneak the same looks every now and then. Which is pretty much every time he hears a car pass the house.

He's in the kitchen looking in the fridge for something edible (something that doesn't appear to exist) when he hears the front door open. It's naive to think that it might be Haley, but he still slams the fridge door so hard that it pops back open before he runs into the other room.

"Oh," Spencer says. It's not Haley. It's nowhere close to being Haley.

"Hey," Brendon says. "Did you know your door was unlocked? That's not really safe, man. Anyone could come walking in."

"Yeah, I can see that," Spencer says. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't answer your phone." Brendon pushes past Spencer and plops down on the couch. "So, I know you've been busy with Haley or whatever, but seriously. You should answer your phone." He stops talking to look around the room and says, "Where is Haley?" And, "Dude, Spence, you reek. Have you showered in the last week?"

"Haley isn't here," he says. "I'm going to bed."

Spencer gets halfway to the bedroom before Brendon comes running after him. "Wait, what?" He jumps in front of Spencer before Spencer can slam the bedroom door in his face. "Haley's not here, like, went to the store not here? Also, it's like 6 P.M. You can't go to bed."

"She's just gone. I'm going to bed," Spencer says. "Please leave."

"So, when you say gone..." Brendon says, taking in a deep breath, like he's just figured it out.

"I mean she left. She went back home," Spencer says. He walks over to the bed and flops down on it. "And no, before you ask, I don't want to talk about it."

"Why did she go home?" Spencer had hoped that saying he didn't want to talk about it would make Brendon turn around and leave. He should have known better. Brendon sits down on the other side of the bed. _That's where Haley sleeps._ Spencer pushes the thought away as quickly as it comes.

"What part of I don't want to talk about it don't you understand?" He knows Brendon well enough that he should have known that would only make him curious. He's going to be here all night. Possibly longer.

"Spence," Brendon says. Brendon fixes him with a look that Spencer assumes is supposed to make him change his mind about talking things over. "Okay, then, you leave me no choice. Now I just have to guess." Spencer can only assume that this is Brendon's version of helping. "Did she rob a bank? Did she have an affair with Pete? Steal a diamond? Shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die?" This is not actually helping Spencer as much as Brendon's smile would indicate he thinks it is.

"Jesus, Brendon." Spencer wants to leave the room, possibly the house if Brendon doesn't get the hint, but he doesn't have the energy. Besides, it's his house. Brendon should have to leave. "No. Now, can you please leave?"

"I told Ryan you weren't having hot, crazy sex," Brendon says solemnly.

"What the fuck, Brendon?" Spencer is getting a headache. He thinks it's more a culmination of the events of the last few days, but it's so much easier to blame Brendon for it.

"Ryan said that's why you weren't answering the phone," Brendon says. "You were probably _busy_ with Haley, but I knew something was wrong, so I came to check on you. And I was right. You smell like ass. Have I said that yet?"

Spencer decides to just ignore Brendon. It might work better than engaging in conversation with him anyway. They sit in silence for a while before Spencer realizes that Brendon is actually not going to go anywhere.

"She said she needed to be by herself for a while," Spencer says. "And then she went to be by herself. And that's it. Now, will you please go?"

Brendon crosses his arms in front of his chest and says, "It's not that easy to get rid of me, and you know it."

Spencer doesn't have the energy for this, so he ignores Brendon. Again. He turns to face the other direction and hopes that after a while Brendon will just think that he's fallen asleep. Although, Spencer's afraid he might take that as an invitation to stay as long as he'd like. He figures it's a risk he's willing to take though. Maybe it will at least get Brendon out of the _room_.

"Fine," Brendon says. "If you're going to be that way, then I don't know what else to say." He stops talking, and Spencer assumes that he's gone, until he says, "But if you think I'm not coming back tomorrow, you're wrong. And if you haven't showered, I'm going to have to do something drastic."

"What are you going to do?" Spencer speaks before he even realizes what he's doing. Seriously, though. That's the strangest threat Spencer's ever heard.

"Don't force me to get you all wet, Spencer." His voice is somewhere between a snicker and an attempt at forceful. On a normal day, Spencer would roll his eyes at Brendon's stupid joke while laughing at him on the inside, but he's not in the mood and doesn't want to deal with Brendon anymore.

"Go away," Spencer says.

"Yeah, going." After a couple of minutes Spencer hears the front door slam. He doesn't leave his bed, but he doesn't sleep either.

+

By the time he hears the door open and close and Brendon asking if he's home, Spencer has managed to at least shower. He hasn't done much else, and he didn't really think Brendon would make good on his threat, but he wasn't willing to risk it.

"Jesus, Spence, if you haven't moved since last night I'm going to-" Brendon walks into the room and looks a little surprised. "Oh, good, you at least changed clothes." Brendon walks a little bit closer, and is he sniffing Spencer? He's definitely sniffing Spencer. "Oh, hey, you're clean. Good, I actually wasn't looking forward to wrestling you into the bathtub fully clothed."

"Okay," Spencer says. "You've checked on me. I did what you asked. Now, will you go away and leave me alone?"

"Nope," Brendon says. "Come on. You're getting out of the bedroom. I brought movies." Brendon grins, which, honestly, frightens Spencer. Brendon obviously has Plans, and Spencer is not in the mood. He's not done wallowing.

"Brendon," Spencer says. "Seriously, I just want to be by myself."

"Sucks to be you," Brendon says. "Now get up." He leaves the room but doesn't close the door behind him. Spencer thinks it would be easy to just ignore him and stay in bed. But he also knows Brendon and thinks he probably won't give up that easily, so he forces himself to follow.

Spencer doesn't know what movie Brendon puts in. He doesn't have a problem with that because he's not really interested. He just keeps thinking about all of the times he and Haley curled up on the couch and watched movies together. He's really going to have to get out of the habit of letting everything remind him of her. It would probably make this easier.

Brendon laughs at a joke that Spencer misses, and he pulls himself back into the now. He still doesn't know what they're watching, and more over, he still doesn't care.

"Okay," Brendon says, pausing the movie. "Seriously."

"What?" Spencer says.

"You, talk." Brendon says. "I'm not starting this movie back up until you say something that isn't, 'Go away, Brendon,' or, 'Shut up, Brendon.'"

"I don't have anything to talk about," Spencer says. "I'm fine."

"Or that," Brendon says. "The words I'm fine are banned in this house until further notice. If I hear them, drastic measures will have to be taken."

"You're not going to threaten to bathe me again, are you?" Spencer is going to have to draw the line at that threat, or anything that involves Brendon seeing him wet or naked.

"No," Brendon says. He jumps up off the couch and says, "But you know what you need? You need to eat."

"I thought we were watching the movie," Spencer says.

"Do you even know what we were watching?" Spencer doesn't. "That's what I thought. I'll bet you haven't eaten in days. Well, lucky for you, I went shopping."

"I've eaten," Spencer says. He hasn't eaten much of substance, but he's eaten. A little bit. Enough that that's not a total lie, anyway.

"Shut the fuck up," Brendon says. It's not as light as Brendon's been for most of the day. "I'm going to make you something to eat whether you like it or not."

Spencer starts to argue, but Brendon is in the kitchen before he can get another word out. It's useless anyway, and he knows it. Brendon's not going anywhere now. Spencer feels like maybe he should be thankful that Brendon's here, trying to make him feel better or whatever the fuck he's doing, but mostly Spencer just wants to be alone.

If he'd wanted someone checking up on him every five minutes, he would have called Ryan as soon as Haley had walked out the door.

"So," Brendon says, from the kitchen. "This chicken soup is the best recipe ever. I got it from my mom." He walks back into the room, pointing a giant spoon at Spencer. "I promise you will feel better. My mom always used to give it to me when I was sad."

"How old were you at the time?" Spencer says, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhm, that's not important," Brendon says. "The important thing is that it worked." He smiles big and bright before walking back into the kitchen.

Spencer can't believe this is his life right now. Dumped by his girlfriend, being fed by Brendon in an attempt to cheer him up and with nothing to distract him from any of it.

+

Spencer manages to get rid of Brendon by promising to shower and eat if only Brendon will leave him alone for the next few days. "But only three," Brendon had said. After that he was slamming through the door and Spencer was, "Going to talk about this whether he wants to or not."

Spencer is doing okay, actually. Brendon's soup had no real healing powers, and he's not magically thrilled with the idea of Haley not being _here_. But he's not staying in bed all day anymore, and he's showering and eating. He's even thinking about walking the dogs before the day is over with.

This must be progress.

The door opens and closes and Spencer says, "I thought we had a deal, three days, bef--" But it's Ryan standing in front him him with his arms crossed this time and not Brendon. He doesn't know whether or not he should be relieved.

"Is there a reason why I had to hear about Haley leaving from Brendon?" Ryan says. To the casual observer it might seem like Ryan doesn't really care what the answer is, but Spencer's known Ryan long enough to know that he does.

"Yes," Spencer says, not offering more of an explanation.

"Well." Ryan doesn't move.

"He came barging into my house two days ago and wouldn't leave. When Haley didn't show up, I eventually had to tell him what was going on," Spencer says. "Trust me, I wasn't a willing participant in any of this. I just wanted to be left alone." Spencer still just wants to be left alone, but Ryan's going to be even harder to get rid of than Brendon.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Ryan says, sitting down next to Spencer on the couch.

"Yeah, I didn't think you would," Spencer says. "I'm not going to talk about it." He hopes that Ryan understands.

"Okay," Ryan says. "You know I'm going to make you eventually though, right?"

"Yeah," Spencer says. "I know. Just not right now."

Spencer isn't sure how long they sit there, but eventually it's long enough. Eventually, he says, "I don't know what happened. I woke up, and she had packed her things. There was a cab on the way, and she was ready to leave. She said she's never been on her own, and she needs to be." Spencer remembers every detail, and now that he's started talking about it, he can't stop. "I didn't even _try_ to stop her. I should have done something."

"What would you have done?" Ryan asks him, and the truth is, he has no idea.

"I don't know," Spencer says.

"Then there was nothing you could have done," Ryan says.

"I guess," Spencer says. They sit in silence for the rest of the night.

+

Talking to Ryan doesn't make Spencer feel as good as he thought it would. He thought if he spilled it all out to someone, it would lift this weight or something stupid and cliche like that. All it really did was make it more real.

Haley is gone.

She's probably not coming back.

Spencer is better about getting out of bed and bathing, even cooking for himself, but he's still not really ready to go out and leave the house.

Ryan comes by a few more times, even spends the night once, curled in close to Spencer in Spencer and Haley's --just Spencer's now-- bed.

Brendon comes by almost every day, sometimes with some new movie that he thinks Spencer must see, sometimes convincing Spencer to play a few rounds of Guitar Hero or Mario Kart. It always feels like Brendon's trying to force some sense of normalcy into Spencer's life where even Brendon doesn't think it belongs just yet, but Spencer goes with it. It isn't so bad now, when Brendon's around.

Sometimes he even forgets to think about all of the times Haley kicked his ass at Mario Kart.

It's been two weeks exactly since Haley left, and Brendon lets himself in (because Brendon never knocks anymore, and Spencer never bothers to lock the door) and steps in front of Spencer, where he's sitting on the couch. He says, "Get up, and let's go."

"Where are we going?" Spencer says. The one thing he hasn't done since Haley left, is leave the house. It's not really from a deep depression so much as there's been no reason, at least that's what he's been telling himself. Ryan and Brendon have been supplying him with everything he wants and needs, and he just doesn't want to deal with other people.

"We're going shopping," Brendon says. "And we're not arguing about it, either. Let's go."

"But you bought me groceries a few days ago," Spencer says. "Move, I can't see the tv." Spencer doesn't even know what's on.

"I bought you groceries like two weeks ago," Brendon says. "Now hurry up and put some pants on. You need to eat something that I didn't get from a drive-thru on the way here."

Spencer realizes, thinking back, that's it's been a few days since he's had anything of substance. He still hates grocery shopping, and it's just going to be one more thing that reminds him of Haley. They always went shopping together when he was in town.

"Fine," he says. "But I'm doing this under extreme protest." He goes to the bedroom to change clothes and when he comes back out, Brendon's already outside.

The ride to the store isn't exactly uncomfortable, but it's silent. Brendon's singing along quietly to the radio, and Spencer doesn't really think there's anything to say, other than, _no, I don't want to do this, I just want to go back home_ , but he thinks that would be useless anyway. Unless he wants to jump out of Brendon's moving car, which, actually, doesn't sound like a terrible idea.

"You're not going to run," Brendon says. Spencer hadn't even realized he had stopped singing.

"I wasn't thinking about running," Spencer says. It's not technically a lie.

"Whatever you're thinking, stop. This is a good thing," Brendon says. "You need to get out of the house."

"I'm fine," Spencer says.

"I haven't lifted the ban on that phrase yet," Brendon says. He's turning into the parking lot of the supermarket. It's mid-afternoon on a weekday, so there are only a few cars. Spencer's glad that it's not crowded. Just being here is bad enough. He's not in the mood for crowds.

"We aren't in the house. I believe that you said I couldn't say that phrase in the house," Spencer says.

"Okay, addendum to the rule, those words are not allowed in my presence at all until further notice," Brendon says. "Don't be a smartass. That's my job."

Brendon goes in and Spencer follows behind. They come out of the store forty-five minutes later, after more than a few arguments, with eighty-five dollars worth of groceries. Spencer actually does feel a little bit better after getting out of the house, and he didn't think of Haley much at all with Brendon there to argue with over what kind of cereal is better, Frosted Flakes or Cheerios.

+

That night, Spencer cooks dinner. It's been a while since he's been in the kitchen. He hasn't done more than microwave since Haley left. He sits with Brendon in front of the TV, eating their food in silence. It's comfortable and normal, and Spencer feels relaxed for the first time in a while.

+

Brendon keeps coming by nearly every day, watching Spencer's TV and eating Spencer's food, all the while making sure that Spencer is taking care of himself and not ignoring personal hygiene. Spencer tries to explain that he's doing much better, but Brendon still insists on checking up on him.

A couple of times, Ryan comes along too. The three of them call Jon on speaker and they talk about recording and timelines and the new record. No one mentions Haley, even if Spencer can tell that Jon is dying to ask, and that Ryan wants to say something and keeps shooting him little sympathetic looks. Even Brendon, who sees him nearly every day, seems to be tiptoeing around him.

Maybe Spencer doesn't have as much input as usual, maybe he's a little quieter, but he's doing much better. Really.

+

"So, I'm lifting the ban," Brendon says. It's a few days later, and Brendon and Spencer are sitting at Spencer's kitchen table eating stir fry.

"What ban?" Spencer asks.

"The 'I'm fine,' ban," Brendon says. "I figure it's been a few weeks. It's okay to answer that way now."

"Oh," Spencer says. "Well, thanks for that." Spencer lets out a little laugh. "So your next question would be ..."

"I don't have a question." Brendon flips some of his food around, looking at his plate, not at Spencer. "Okay, fine. How's it going? Really," he asks

"I'm good." Spencer doesn't say fine. "Really," he says. "I mean, I'm still not happy that she's gone, you know, but I guess I realize that I'm _going_ to be okay. I'm ...good." Spencer's surprised his own answer, but it's not lie. He really is feeling okay.

"Good," Brendon says. "So, I guess I can stop bothering you. Maybe I even won't come over tomorrow."

"But what will I do without you here yelling at me to take a shower?" Spencer says, laughing. "I mean, I might forget, you know?" He doesn't know when he stopped being annoyed by Brendon's visits, but at some point Spencer actually started to look forward to seeing him every day. It's nice having someone else around. It turns out that it's especially nice having Brendon around.

"Well, that's your problem now. As long as I don't have to smell you, I don't really care," Brendon says. "Anyway, you don't really seem to need --" He pauses, like he's rethinking his words. "The help. Anymore."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "Thanks, though. You really helped."

"Yeah," Brendon says. He gets up, his chair scraping across the floor as he pushes it back. "I'm going to go." It's a sudden move, and Spencer doesn't really understand it. Brendon hasn't even finished his dinner.

"Are you alright?" The words feel strange coming out of Spencer's mouth. It's been a while since he was the one asking that question.

"Oh, yeah," Brendon says. "I'm fine, I'm good. I just, you know, have to go. I have to feed Dylan."

Spencer can't help but think that Brendon doesn't really seem fine. He should know.

+

A few days later, Spencer is eating a meal that he cooked, watching TV by himself. It's nice, really. He kind of misses having Brendon bothering him all of the time, but it doesn't suck as much as he thought it would to be by himself.

It's around 7:30 when his phone rings. He doesn't look at the display before answering, sure that it's going to be Brendon, possibly Ryan. "Are you checking up on me?" he asks, and then, "Because I thought we were clear that I'm totally fine now."

"Oh," she says. She. Definitely not Brendon. "Oh, sorry, were you expecting a call?" It's Haley.

"Oh," Spencer says, and just like that he feels like he did the day that she left. Lost and alone and so so unsure of everything that is going on around him. "Haley, hi. Are you at your mom and dad's?"

"Uh, yeah. I just thought I'd call and see how you were," she says.

"I'm fine," Spencer says. His voice shakes, despite his resolve to sound perfectly fine.

"Yeah," Haley says. "That's good, you know. Me too."

The only sound for a good minute, at least, is their breathing into the phones. Spencer doesn't understand why she had to call now, when everything is just starting to get easier, and he's not losing his mind for the first time since she left. He wants to ask but instead he just says, "Why?" And they both know what he means.

"I told you. I had to -" Haley says. Her voice catches, and he can hear her swallow back whatever she was going to say. "I'm sorry, Spencer."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "Yeah, me too." He doesn't even know what he's sorry for, but whatever he did, he's sorry for it.

"It wasn't about you," Haley says. "Anyway, I really just wanted to see how you were doing, and by the way you answered the phone, you seem okay," she says.

"I'm fine," Spencer says again, and he's really not, not now. He thought he was, but just hearing her voice, he's really not fine anymore. He'd even had himself fooled that time.

"Yeah, you said." Haley clears her throat, and Spencer hears someone in the background. She says, "I have to go, Spencer. I miss you." She hangs up.

"Yeah," Spencer says, hanging up his own phone.

+

The phone rings an hour later and he tries to smother it with a pillow without even looking at the display. He doesn't want to talk to anyone.

+

He makes it a whole day avoiding everyone before Brendon comes in. Spencer's sitting on the couch in just his pyjama pants, flipping through the channels when Brendon steps in front of him, arms crossed.

"You're blocking my view," Spencer says.

"You're not answering my phone calls," Brendon counters, moving as Spencer tries to crane his neck to see around him. "What's up with that?"

"Didn't feel like talking," Spencer says. "Didn't we both agree that I'm fine and can be left alone? I think that means deciding who I talk to on the phone, too." It's harsh, and Spencer knows it, but he's not in the mood for Brendon.

"Well," Brendon says. "Yeah, I guess. Anyway, you don't actually seem fine. Did you become a better liar and trick me into thinking you were fine?"

"Move," Spencer says, as a response.

Brendon takes the remote control and forces Spencer to move his legs so that he can sit down. "Okay, what happened? Tell me."

"Nothing." Spencer moves to sit up on the couch and puts the remote down, settling for whatever old move is on TMC. Brendon fixes him with a look. "Haley called last night," Spencer says.

"I thought you were okay," Brendon says, scooting closer on the couch.

"So did I, but then she called and I wasn't fine anymore. It's like hearing her voice again made me forget that I was doing a pretty good job of moving on."

"Oh," Brendon says. "Did she say if she was coming back or not?" If Spencer thinks Brendon seems a little too eager to hear the answer to that question, he ignores it.

"No," Spencer says. "Anyway, I don't think she will."

Brendon nods. "So, I came here to tell you something, but now it seems like it'd be an extra punch to the face, so maybe I'll just not say anything."

"What?" Spencer says. "You're not about to tell me that you're the reason Haley left, are you? Because, dude."

"No," Brendon says. "I'm moving. To LA, after the new year."

"Oh," Spencer says, and then, "Well, awesome. I mean, it's not like I'm never going to see you. We've still got the band, and it's, what? A five hour drive. Anyway, it's not like I need you checking up on me anymore, right?"

"Yeah," Brendon says. "Totally, yeah."

"Cool, you wanna eat here tonight? I was thinking of ordering Chinese."

+

Spencer manages to completely forget that it's December until his mom calls on the Sunday before to make sure that he's coming over for Christmas. He's been so wrapped up in everything else that he hasn't even really talked to his mom in a few weeks, despite living in the same city. He'd called her for long enough to tell her that Haley had left, and then he just didn't feel like talking anymore. Brendon was doing enough mothering for everyone in his life.

"Oh, right," Spencer says. "Yeah, I'll be there. Do you want me to bring anything?" He's going to have to go buy gifts for everyone. Shopping the week of Christmas is really the last thing he wants to do.

"No, it's fine. Oh, and be sure to invite Ryan," she says. They don't really have to invite Ryan anymore. He usually just shows up with Spencer, but his mom always says that just to make sure. "And Brendon, if he doesn't have any plans." Brendon's been spending Christmas with his own parents for the last couple of years, but Spencer's mom still invites him.

"Sure thing, Mom," Spencer says. "I have to go." He has shopping to do.

+

"Mom said you can come over for Christmas," Spencer says. Brendon and Ryan are both over at his place. Brendon and Spencer are playing Guitar Hero while Ryan sends text messages from the sofa. It's the day before Christmas Eve.

"You know I'm spending it with my family," Brendon says.

"I know, but Mom makes me ask. You know her," Spencer says. "She still invites Ryan, even though she knows he'd show up whether she did or not."

"Hey," Ryan says, and then, "Okay, true."

"Are you going to be okay?" Brendon asks. "I mean first Christmas without..."

"Yes, Brendon, thanks for that. Exactly what I wanted to think about," Spencer says. "Anyway, yes. I'm going to be fine. As long as my mom doesn't ask me about it every ten minutes, we'll be perfectly okay."

"Good," Brendon says. "Oh, hey, by the way. My place, New Year's Eve. Massive party. We're not going to be there much longer, and we want to give the old place the send off it deserves."

"We? You're moving with Shane?" Spencer had just assumed that Brendon was going alone.

"And Regan's gonna be there too, yeah," Brendon says. "Shane and I are actually going next week to look at the place. Regan's seen it. She says it's pretty sweet."

"I should move to California," Ryan says.

"Oh right," Spencer says. "Leave me in Vegas with no one to talk to but Crystal and Jackie." Spencer loves his sisters, but he doesn't want to hang out with them all the time.

"That's why they invented the telephone and computer, asshole," Ryan says. He's still texting.

"There are also these great inventions, airplanes and cars. Maybe you've heard of them. Oh, hey, you could stay in our guest room," Brendon says. "We'll get you a nice air mattress. It'll be awesome."

"Great," Spencer says, unenthusiastically. "I'm really looking forward to it."

"I just kicked your ass," Brendon says, dropping his guitar on the ground.

"I can see that," Spencer says. "Rematch?"

"You always want a rematch," Brendon says. "And then you lose the rematch and want another rematch. It's a vicious cycle. You should just quit now."

"That's it. I'm going to stay in your guest room just so that I can watch Regan kick your ass at Guitar Hero," Spencer says.

"Regan can't kick my ass at Guitar Hero." Everyone knows that's a lie, especially Brendon.

+

Sometime at around midnight on Christmas Eve, Spencer's had a lot of eggnog, and Ryan is talking to Keltie on the phone somewhere. His sisters are sitting on the sofa, giggling about something, and his parents have gone to bed. Spencer gets out his phone, and scrolls through the numbers.

He thinks about calling Brendon first because it seems like the best idea, but Brendon is probably in the Urie house, sleeping in his old room with nephews on the floor next to his bed. He gets to Haley's name next and stops, finger hovering over the send button.

He wonders if she's asleep yet. It's later where she is, so it's possible. He doesn't want to wake her. Maybe she's even out, out with friends exchanging gifts, out with some new guy that one of her friends introduced her to to help her get over Spencer. He hopes she's not out with some guy.

"Who are you calling?" Jackie asks, eyebrow raised.

"You'd better not be calling Haley," Crystal says. "That's not allowed. Give me your phone."

"I'm not calling Haley, and even if I were, you couldn't stop me," Spencer says. He wants to call Haley. It's Christmas Eve, Christmas actually, now that it's after 12. "I should call her."

"No," Jackie says. "No, you shouldn't. She dumped you, Spence. You do _not_ want to call her. Now give me your phone."

"Nope," Spencer says. "I'm calling her."

Crystal takes out her phone and sends a text message, while Jackie goes over to Spencer, trying to take the phone out of his hand. Just as he manages to get away from her it rings. "I'll bet that's her now," Spencer says. "Oh." It's not her. "Brendon. What do you want?"

"Crystal texted me with the code word," Brendon says. He sounds half asleep.

"There's a code word? What's the code word?" Spencer doesn't like the idea of Brendon and his sisters talking about him behind his back.

"Spencer's an idiot," Brendon says. "Don't call Haley. Go to bed. Have a Merry Christmas." Brendon hangs up the phone.

"That was low, Crystal," he says.

"Drastic times, big bro." She grins. "Now, give me your phone and go to bed."

He does.

+

Spencer wakes up on Christmas morning, no, afternoon, with a hangover. It's not fair because he doesn't really remember drinking enough eggnog to get a hangover, but there it is. He searches his bedside table for his phone, before remembering that his sister took it from him the night before, though he can't remember why.

By the time he stumbles downstairs, everyone else is already awake, and even Ryan seems to be more alert than Spencer. Crystal and Jackie glance at him, sharing a look with each other as they start laughing.

"Do you want some breakfast?" Spencer's mom asks. He shakes his head and falls onto the sofa next to Ryan.

"Jackie tells me there was some drama last night," Ryan says. Jackie and Crystal are sitting on the floor in front of the sofa, whispering to Ryan while Spencer's parents talk about something that no one else is interested in. This can't be good for Spencer, and he knows it.

"I guess. I can't really remember. Just... hey, you have my phone," Spencer says to Jackie.

"No," Jackie says. "She has your phone." She points to Crystal, who is holding up Spencer's phone with a smirk.

"Yep, and I'll only give it back on one condition," she says.

"What's that?" If Spencer's head weren't throbbing, he would just run past her and grab it, but he can't do that right now without dying.

"Promise me that you are not going to call Haley today," she says.

"I didn't... last night? Did I?" He honestly doesn't remember.

"No," Jackie says, "but not for lack of trying."

"I promise not to call Haley. Now give me my phone back. I need it," he says. "Also, if you don't, I'm not giving you your gift. You can just keep my phone instead."

"Fine," Crystal says. "Take it." She tosses it at him. "You should be thanking me, though. You probably would have embarrassed yourself if I'd let you keep it."

Spencer actually doesn't deny the truth in that, but he doesn't acknowledge it either. "Whatever," he says.

"Okay," Spencer's mom says, breaking up the conversation. "Who wants to open presents?" Spencer welcomes the distraction.

+

A week later everyone Brendon and Shane know is packed into the house in Vegas.

They're calling it a New Year's Eve-Slash-Going Away party. Spencer briefly considers skipping it, but Brendon won't even let him entertain the idea.

Sometime around 11:30, Spencer wanders outside to the backyard. He's a little high and more than a little drunk, and there are too many people inside. Everyone's drinking and making out and talking about their plans for the new year and what their resolutions are, but Spencer hasn't thought much about that.

Getting over Haley for good, he supposes, to start. Record another album with the guys, tour. Other than that, he doesn't know what his plans for 2009 are.

He wonders what he would be doing right now if Haley were still around. It's stupid, and usually he can get by without even thinking about her unless she calls or he's really drunk. Right now it's the latter. If he had his phone there would be a repeat of Christmas, but Brendon had taken it at the beginning of the night. He wasn't letting Spencer call Haley on his watch, apparently.

Spencer sits on one of the chairs set up on the patio and looks out into the yard. There are a few couples scattered around, but it's mostly empty, quiet, compared to the party going on inside.

"You're going to miss the ball drop." Spencer hadn't heard the back door open, but when he turns his head, Brendon is standing next to the chair. "It's almost midnight."

"Oh," Spencer says. "Yeah. I just had to get out of there. Fresh air is highly underrated."

"Hmm," Brendon says in response. He pulls another chair close to Spencer's and sits for moment before he speaks. "Is this about Haley?"

"Not really," Spencer says.

"Then what?" Brendon passes Spencer another beer. He probably doesn't need it, but he's not going to turn it down.

"Nothing," Spencer says. "Me, I guess. Mostly."

"Are you going to get all depressing on me? Because, dude, this is a party in case you forgot." Brendon laughs quietly.

"No," Spencer says. "I'm just thinking." He drinks from his beer, looking straight ahead, not at Brendon. "I think I need to move."

"Move where?" Brendon says. "Because that air mattress is waiting for you."

Spencer laughs and says, "No, not LA. Vegas, just. Somewhere different. Maybe somewhere smaller."

"So this _is_ about Haley," Brendon says. "You know, no one's going to blame you if you're not 100% over her yet. Especially not me."

"I know," Spencer says. Inside there's a chorus of people counting down to the new year. "It's almost midnight."

"Yeah," Brendon says. "I should go back inside. You, too. You're too serious out here. You need more weed."

"Yeah," Spencer says, standing. "I could go for that."

Brendon follows suit, and everyone cheers for the new year. Brendon touches Spencer's arm gently and they go back inside together.

+

A couple of days after the party, Spencer helps Brendon pack. He's not really sure how he got roped into it. Ryan didn't have to help Brendon pack up his shit.

"Stop whining and get to work," Brendon says, after Spencer asks how Ryan got out of it for the twelfth time.

"This isn't how I wanted to spend my day," Spencer says. "I could be doing so many other things right now."

"Like what?" Brendon makes a face as he pulls a shirt from the back of his closet. "Where did I even get this?" He shrugs and tosses it into a box. There is no method whatsoever to where things are going. He's just filling boxes until they're full. "If you weren't here, you'd be sitting at home watching whateverthefuck is on at 4PM in the middle of the week, ordering take-out and wishing you had something better to do."

"This isn't better," Spencer says. "Helping you pack is not my idea of a good time."

"Whatever," Brendon says. "Okay, let's take a break."

"We've been packing for less than an hour," Spencer says. "If we take a break every hour, we'll never finish."

"You have noticed that I don't actually care about order here, right? Just throw it in a box. I'll go through it later," Brendon says. "Want a beer?"

Spencer just nods and goes back to packing up Brendon's things. He's more careful than Brendon is, despite Brendon's insistence that it's not necessary. Brendon comes back a few minutes later and hands Spencer his beer.

"You know my offer still stands, right?" Brendon says. "You just have to say the words."

"What offer?" Spencer says.

"Air mattress, guest room. I know Ryan's going on vacation soon, and you won't have a lot to do," Brendon says. "Besides, Shane and Regan are mostly going to be busy, and I'm going to need something to do."

"I don't know," Spencer says. "Maybe."

"Well, just let me know if you decide to take me up on the offer," Brendon says. "We bought this really sweet air mattress. I wouldn't want it to go to waste." He laughs, and Spencer throws a pair of jeans at his head.

+

Ryan goes to Hawaii with Keltie after she gets done with her tour, and it turns out Brendon was right. Spencer runs out of things to do very fast. He ends up invited to this Expo at the perfect time, and it gives him a good excuse to get out of the house away from Vegas for at least a few days.

He calls Brendon to make sure that it's still okay for him to stay there and packs a few changes of clothes and all essential items. He gets Milo and Boba ready and piles everything into the car. He only has enough for a week because Ryan will be back soon, and Brendon has done enough for him in the last couple of months. Spencer doesn't want to impose more than nessecary.

The guest room is big but unfurnished except for the air mattress that Brendon has set up in the corner. It's actually pretty comfortable looking and a lot bigger than Spencer had expected.

"Oh, by the way, Pete and Ashlee invited us out with them tomorrow night, if you're up for it," Brendon says. "It could be fun." Other than Brendon and Shane's New Year's party, Spencer hasn't been out much since he and Haley broke up. It's not that he hasn't wanted to, it's just that there haven't been many opportunities.

"Okay," Spencer says. "Sounds good."

"Cool," Brendon says. "I'll let Pete know you're coming along." Brendon steps out of the room, leaving Spencer alone.

+

Spencer isn't quite sure he wants to go through with this. It's a little weird to be going to dinner with Pete and Ashlee, just him and Brendon. It feels a little like some sort of weird double date, except that he and Brendon aren't dating.

Brendon is in his bedroom getting ready, and it's taking him forever. Spencer just threw on the first thing he found. They're probably going to go somewhere that's sort of nice, knowing Pete and Ashlee, but trying to look good just made him feel even more weird about the whole thing, so he gave up on it.

Brendon comes out of the bedroom and grabs his keys right away. "We're going to be late if we don't hurry," he says.

Spencer rolls his eyes and says, "Well, maybe if someone didn't spend half an hour picking out a pair of jeans." Seriously though, Brendon is ridiculous sometimes, and it drives Spencer insane. It's just Pete and Ashlee, and there's no reason to make a big deal about it.

"Hey, some people aren't as naturally pretty as you are," Brendon says. Spencer elbows him in the side as Brendon locks the front door.

They take Brendon's car to Pete and Ashlee's. Ashlee answers the door, baby in hand. Spencer's never seen Bronx in person, but he's seen a ton of pictures. Pete emails them nearly every day. Multiple times on some days. It's kind of ridiculous, but Spencer can see why. Bronx is a cute kid.

"The babysitter is going to be here in just a minute, and then we'll be good to go," Ashlee says. "You know, as soon as Pete gets his bangs perfect or whatever the hell he's doing up there."

"Tell me about it," Spencer says. "Brendon took 3 hours just picking out clothes. You would think he had a date with Jessica Alba or something."

"Shut up, I have to work hard to look this good," Brendon says. "Pete would probably agree with me."

"About what?" Pete comes down the stairs, and he doesn't look any different than any other day. Although, Spencer imagines that he often spends hours getting ready for everything.

"You have to spend hours to look as good as you do, right?" Brendon asks. Spencer's sure he doesn't mean it the way it sounds, but he still lets out a laugh. "What?" Brendon says.

"It's true," Pete says.

"See," Brendon says. "Told you. Spencer thinks this comes naturally."

"We can't all be that naturally gorgeous," Pete says.

"Are you guys done?" Ashlee doesn't have the baby anymore, which Spencer takes to mean that at some point when they were distracted, the babysitter arrived. "Let's go. Our reservations are in, like, twenty minutes."

+

"So, Ryan is back from Hawaii," Ashlee says. "Does this mean you guys are getting back to the studio soon?"

"I don't know," Spencer says. "That was the plan. We've got this show in Florida in a couple of weeks, and we'll take it from there, I guess." They've only loosely talked about going back in. There are some lyrics, and stuff written, and they've worked on the music for a couple of songs, but they just haven't discussed the actual recording yet.

"Ryan's supposed to call Jon in a couple of days and find out. I think it should be soon," Brendon says. "Oh, hey, we should get dessert."

"Not for me," Pete says. "I'm stuffed. Plus, I still have baby weight."

"Oh, come on, you big baby," Ashlee says. "We'll share." The waiter comes by and asks them if they would like anything, and before Pete can tell him no Ashlee says, "We'll have a piece of chocolate cake."

"We'll have the same," Brendon says.

"We?" Spencer says. This is all really weird. He's not sure if it seems weird because he's been drinking or if it's just weird, but either way. He can't remember having ever shared dessert with Brendon before.

"Well, it just seems practical," Brendon says. "Anyway, I can't eat a whole piece."

"Since when?" Spencer asks. Brendon is skinny, but he can eat a lot.

Brendon just shrugs instead of answering.

"Anyway!" Ashlee says. "How long are you in town, Spencer? Brendon didn't say." Spencer is thankful for the distraction.

"I don't know. I guess for as long as he'll have me. The guest room is better right now than sitting around my place by myself." Spencer could really get used to having someone around again, and the fact that it's Brendon makes it that much more tolerable.

"Are you guys planning to record here in LA? I thought Pete said you were thinking about the Palms again."

"We haven't really decided anything," Brendon says. "I guess it would probably be easy to record in LA, since Ryan is planning to get a place here too."

"Well," Pete says. "Let me know, and I'll book you guys in the best recording studio. All of the other bands will be jealous."

The waiter brings out their two pieces of chocolate cake, with two forks in each one. Brendon scoots the plate closer to Spencer and moves closer himself. They're barely separated by a thin line of space now. "This looks great," Brendon says. "Maybe splitting was a bad idea after all."

"Told you," Spencer says.

"I was kidding. Here," Brendon says, handing Spencer the other fork. "Eat."

Spencer rolls his eyes and takes the fork from Brendon. Ashlee is looking at them from behind her bangs, Spencer can tell, but she's not saying anything. Spencer takes this to mean that she is as weirded out by the situation as he is. The check comes, split into two, and Pete takes one, handing Brendon the other.

"Are you sure about this, man?" Pete says. "I can get all of us."

"Nah," Brendon says. "You don't have to. Besides, I'm treating Spencer tonight. He has to put up with me while he's here, it's the least I can do."

"You're buying my dinner?" Spencer says. He wasn't aware that was the deal, and now everything feels even weirder.

"Yeah," Brendon says, shrugging. "It's not like I can't afford it," he says with a laugh.  
Spencer just shrugs and takes another bite of the cake.

+

They get back to Pete and Ashlee's and say goodnight in the driveway. Ashlee walks around to the passenger side of Brendon's car with Spencer while Brendon and Pete whisper about something.

"So, this was great," Ashlee says, throwing an arm around Spencer for a loose hug. "You guys should come out with us again sometime."

"Yeah. It was fun," Spencer says, not entirely convincingly. It's not that he didn't have fun. He loves both Pete and Ashlee, but Spencer's not sure he wants a repeat of tonight. He doesn't like being confused by this situation with Brendon.

The drive back to Brendon's is a quiet one, with only the soft sounds of the radio as background noise. Brendon is singing softly, and Spencer is content just to listen.

They pull into the driveway and go inside, Brendon letting Spencer go first.

"So, tonight was fun," Brendon says. "I totally think we should take them up on that offer, only next time we _can_ let Pete pay for the whole thing."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "I guess."

"Well, I guess we don't have to make Pete pay," Brendon says. "I wouldn't think you would have a problem with that, though."

"No," Spencer says. "Pete can pay."

"Dude," Brendon says. "What's up? You look..."

"What?" Spencer says.

"I don't know," Brendon says, shrugging. "You just look weird. Are you getting depressed again? Because I thought we were past that."

"No," Spencer says. "I think I'm going to go to bed, though."

"Oh," Brendon says. He sounds kind of disappointed. "Okay, maybe we can do something tomorrow."

"I'm just tired." Spencer doesn't know why he feels the need to explain himself, but the look on Brendon's face makes him feel like crap, so he does.

"I'm going to stay up and watch some TV or something. Let me know if it bothers you." Brendon goes over to sit on the sofa.

"Oh," Spencer says. That doesn't seem like a bad idea. "Well, maybe I can stay up a little while longer." He walks over and falls back on the sofa next to Brendon. There's not as much space between them as there could be, but Spencer isn't compelled to move further way now that they're almost touching.

"There's never anything on late at night," Brendon says, settling on some old, black and white movie. "This is going to have to do."

They sit for a while, and Brendon ends up with his head on Spencer's shoulder, saying random lines of the movie along with it. "I have trouble sleeping a lot of the time," Brendon says as an explanation. "They show this one at least once a week."

Spencer just nods. "I've never seen it." Spencer can't stop thinking about dinner. He wants to talk about it, and he wants to ask Brendon if he's as confused as Spencer, but Brendon starts talking first.

"It's good," Brendon says. He turns to look at Spencer. "You can go to bed, you know."

"I know," Spencer says. "I don't really want to."

"Okay." Brendon settles back down on Spencer's shoulder.

Spencer looks over at Brendon, who is mouthing along to the TV. Tonight has been strange in every way possible, but it has also been nice. If there is anyone that Spencer wants to spend a night having dinner and watching a movie with these days, it's Brendon. In fact, he finds himself wanting to spend a lot of time with Brendon lately.

"Hey," Spencer says.

"Hm?" Brendon says, looking up at Spencer.

Spencer isn't thinking clearly and he knows it, but it had been a weird night with a lot of unusual circumstances. And there had been wine. He's not thinking clearly, and he thinks maybe that's okay just this once. Brendon is sleepy next to him. Brendon took him to dinner with their married friends and ate off his plate almost the entire time. He decided they should share dessert, and then he paid. Spencer supposes that he could be reading the signs wrong, but he could also be reading all of the signs right.

Spencer moves in closer, closing the gap between them. It's not really a kiss in the strictest sense of the word, just a light, mostly dry press of lips, but Brendon doesn't pull away or push Spencer away, so Spencer considers it a win. The second kiss is all Brendon. He grabs Spencer by the shirt and kisses him harder and faster, with a neediness that Spencer can feel against his lips.

Brendon lays back on the sofa, pulling Spencer down on top of him, lacing his fingers in Spencer's hair and running the other hand down Spencer's shirt. It feels good, so good, and Spencer can't think of one good reason why they haven't done this before, many times before this. It feels like they should have, could have even, been doing this all along.

"Spencer," Brendon says, pulling just far enough away that their lips are no longer touching. "Hey, Spence."

"Hm," Spencer says. He closes the gap again, but Brendon pulls back away, putting a hand on Spencer's chest, saying, "Spence, hey, no. This isn't--we shouldn't." And he pushes harder, forces Spencer to sit back up. "Sorry, but this is a bad idea."

"But I thought," Spencer says. "I mean, you--"

"I know," Brendon says. "I know, but I shouldn't have. We should get to bed."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "I guess, maybe." He gets up from the sofa first. He doesn't look back as he walks out of the room. He's a little freaked out that he just kissed one of his best friends and kind of wants to do it again.

+

Spencer thinks it's probably best if he goes back to Vegas after the Florida show. Of course, he actually hasn't talked to Brendon about this yet, and all that's waiting for him at home is an empty house. Plus, his dogs really like it here, where they can be around three other dogs, and there are a lot of people to bother. Spencer just isn't sure if he can be around Brendon right now. He's planning to talk to Brendon about it as soon as they've both had at least one cup of coffee and Shane has left for the morning. Regan is always gone long before any one else is up.

"Hey," Brendon says. He's sitting at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes, drinking his coffee, probably with more cream than necessary and way too much sugar. "Sleep okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Spencer says. If Brendon wants small talk, Spencer supposes he's okay with that. He'd rather not have to make awkward conversation with one of his best friends, but he doesn't know what else to do at this point other than say, _hey, sorry about accidentally making out with you last night, but there was that part where you didn't tell me to stop and even encouraged me a little bit, I'll do better next time_. Spencer doesn't really want to have that conversation. He pours himself a cup of coffee, black, and grabs a bagel, sitting down at the table across from Brendon.

Neither one of them says anything for a while, and Spencer's not sure whether or not that's for the best.

Finally, Brendon says, "I talked to Ryan this morning."

Spencer can handle talking about Ryan. It's easy, not at all awkward.

"Oh?" Spencer says.

"He's getting into town in a couple of days. I told him he could stay here until his place is ready, so you'll have to share the guest room. I hope you don't mind," Brendon says.

"No," Spencer says. "No, it's fine. Ryan and I have shared a bed before, so I don't think sharing a reasonably sized guest room is going to be a problem."

"Right," Brendon says. "Hey, so I was going to go do some grocery shopping. Did you want anything?" Brendon asks. "Usually Shane does that, but he's got some work to do today, so I said I'd do it."

"I can go with you," Spencer says.

"No," Brendon says. "No, I think I should probably just. You know, I'll get done faster if it's just me. I'm less likely to get distracted."

"Oh yeah," Spencer says. "Yeah, of course. That makes sense." He wishes he could do something about how awkward everything feels right now, but there's really not anything to be done. Maybe Brendon will go shopping, and when he comes back, the awkwardness will have passed. It's not incredibly likely, but Spencer figures there's at least a small chance it will happen.

Brendon pours out the remaining half of his coffee, and nods a goodbye to Spencer as he walks out of the kitchen, but he doesn't say another word. He mentally kicks himself for not mentioning to Brendon that he thinks he should go home, but now Ryan is going to be there at least, so that may help a little. Besides, he really doesn't want to go back to Vegas right now. There's not a lot for him there.

He busies himself checking his messages and emails, and that kills a good twenty minutes. His mom has called him twice and sent a few emails.

She wants to know how he's doing and when he's coming home. He doesn't know how to answer either one of those questions, so he leaves the email unanswered. He lies back on the bed, with no intention of going to sleep. But he closes his eyes, and when he opens them it's to the sound of the front door opening and closing. He forces himself out of bed and out of the room and meets Brendon in the kitchen.

"You wouldn't believe what it was like at that store," Brendon says. "I thought I was going to have to fight a woman over this box of Frosted Flakes."

"Why didn't you just get a different kind of cereal?" Spencer asks. It seems like the most obvious conclusion to him, but sometimes Brendon doesn't really think logically.

"Because, dude," is the answer Brendon gives, holding up the box. "Frosted Flakes."

"Right," Spencer says. Nothing feels right, and it's all uncomfortable where it shouldn't be. They're talking about cereal, for Christ's sake. There shouldn't be anything about this that's weird. But rather than mention it, Spencer is just content to let it go. He doesn't want to make it _worse_ , and he has a feeling that's what he would do.

"So, Shane and Regan are apparently not going to be back until late," Brendon says. "Something with people she works with or something. I don't know."

"Cool," Spencer says. "You have any plans?"

"Nope, you wanna hang out and order Chinese?" Brendon says, busying himself with putting away the groceries. "Or Thai. I haven't had Thai in a while." He continues running down a list of ideas, mostly to himself instead of Spencer.

"Sure," Spencer says because he doesn't really want to say no. The idea of hanging out with Brendon and watching tv over take out sounds too appealing. Maybe if he's lucky, Spencer can even get Brendon to actually say something about last night.

"Cool," Brendon says. "Hey, I'm going to go call my mom." Spencer doesn't think Brendon is actually going to call his mom, but he doesn't say it.

+

Brendon ends up ordering pizza, instead of Chinese or Thai, and they set the box open on the coffee table, as they flip through the channels to find something on television. Brendon has been talking about every stupid, pointless thing that comes to mind. Part of Spencer wants to thank him for it. The other part, however, wants to stop this madness and ask Brendon what the fuck happened last night and why he is acting like it didn't. He settles for munching on his pizza, watching Brendon flip past channel after channel without pausing for long enough to even see what's on.

"So, like," Brendon says. "Okay, here's the thing." He leaves the television on some Law and Order or another. "Last night didn't happen."

"It didn't?" Spencer says. "I'm pretty sure that it did." And he's pretty sure ignoring it isn't going to make it go away.

"No," Brendon says. "Because you're still vulnerable, and I'm your friend." _Vulnerable._ Spencer kind of wants to hit Brendon in the face for that. "So," Brendon says, waving his hand in the air, and then dusting both hands together. "Poof, didn't happen. Sorry."

Spencer isn't sure if Brendon is apologizing for the fact that they made out or the fact that it's never going to happen again, and honestly, at this point Spencer's not sure which one he would prefer. "Okay," Spencer says. "But I'm not vulnerable. I never was vulnerable, and if I ever had been, I've been over Haley for a while."

"You broke up with Haley a couple of months ago, and that's nothing compared to the three years that you were together," Brendon says. "And you probably miss having someone to make out with, and I was there. It's totally fine. You know how much I love making out with pretty much anyone, but you don't need someone who's supposed to be your friend taking advantage of that."

Spencer's sure that some of that makes a lot of sense, but mostly he just thinks that Brendon's being a total idiot. It's not that Spencer was planning on making out with Brendon. Though, if he's being honest, it's not the first time he's ever thought about it. But now that he has, he kind of wants to do it again. And again. And maybe a few more times after that.

"So," Brendon says. "This awkwardness is over, right?"

"Yeah," Spencer says. "Of course." It's not.

+

Ryan shows up a few days later with more than enough luggage for a week or so. He goes into the guest room and drops everything onto Spencer's air mattress and says, "So, this is where I get to sleep?"

"No," Spencer says. "This is where I sleep." He tosses Ryan's bags in the floor. "Brendon's bringing the other air mattress in from the garage." Brendon and Spencer had gone yesterday to get a new one. It's smaller to save space, but Ryan is skinnier anyway, and Spencer has seniority. It only seems fair that he gets the bigger bed.

Brendon comes in the room and says, "Here, ya go. Bed sweet bed." He grins as he tosses it on the floor. "We just need to air it up." Ryan looks dubious.

"That looks a lot smaller than Spencer's. Why is it smaller?" Ryan studies the air mattress.

"Because there's not room for two huge ones and all of our shit, and I've been here longer," Spencer says. "So. Sucks to be you."

"I cannot live under these conditions!" Ryan says dramatically. "I demand we switch."

"You can always go stay with Pete," Brendon says.

"Oh, right," Ryan says. "And listen to a baby cry for two weeks. Sure."

"Well, then stop complaining," Spencer says. He lies back on his air mattress, crossing his legs and putting his hands behind his head. "And you might want to start pumping some air into that, because I'm not going to."

+

Shane, Brendon and Spencer are playing a very exciting game of MarioKart on Wii while Regan and Ryan sit on the sofa. It gets more violent as Spencer throws a bomb that takes Brendon out of the lead and then Shane runs Spencer off the road. Regan laughs at them and says, "You guys always end up taking this too seriously, and then you don't talk to each other for three days. Calm the fuck down."

"Are you kidding me?" Ryan says. "Brendon and Spencer are even worse when they play Guitar Hero. We've gone five days on a bus with Brendon telling Jon to tell Spencer to pass the pepper," Ryan says.

"Fuck both of you," Spencer says, and uses one of his mushrooms to zoom past Brendon and then the other two to zoom past Shane.

"So," Ryan says, and then Spencer doesn't hear anything else. Just some vague whispers. He turns his head to see if he can make out what Ryan and Regan are talking about, but it just ends with him running his car into a wall and Brendon doing a victory dance.

"You both owe me," Brendon says. "I don't know what you owe me yet, but you totally owe me."

"Yeah, whatever," Spencer says. "I want a rematch."

"Sorry, Spence. I won fair and square," Brendon says. "Hey, Ryan, Regan, what are you two talking about over there?"

"You," Regan says. "And the fact that you're all three tools."

"Oh, and Ryan's not a tool," Brendon says, rolling his eyes. "Hey, Spence, since we're both tools and all, you wanna go out with me tonight?"

"What?" Spencer says, blinking.

"Out, to a club or something. I don't know. I'm antsy. And since we're both single and ready to mingle, I was thinking we could go out."

"What about me?" Shane says.

"Sorry, you're not a single dude," Brendon says. "I don't think Regan would approve of the kind of behavior we're bound to get up to."

"And me?" Ryan says. Spencer starts to remind Ryan that he's not single either and in fact just got back from Hawaii with his girlfriend, but Brendon beats him to the punch, adding, "Anyway, you're not as much of a tool as us. You can stay here with them."

+

Brendon takes Spencer to a bar. It's crowded, and there aren't as many attractive people there as Spencer would have expected in an LA night spot. Plus, he really doesn't feel like having Brendon suggest girl after girl for him to try and pick up.

"How about her?" Brendon points out a brunette in the corner. She's tiny, with a big chest and a really short skirt, and she looks a little bit like Haley in the face. Spencer isn't interested.

"Not my type."

"Are you kidding me?" Brendon says. "She's exactly your type." Brendon scans the bar and points out another girl, this one is a little taller, a little thinner and blonde. She looks nothing like Haley. "What about her? Is she more your type?"

"I'm not interested in anyone here," Spencer says. That's mostly a lie. Ever since they made out, he's been mostly interested in Brendon, but Brendon isn't having it, so Spencer is trying to squash those feelings.

"Hm," Brendon says. "Okay, so we'll go somewhere else then. I know this little place-"

"No," Spencer says. "I think I just want to go sleep."

"Dude, it's like 9:30. You can't go home yet." Brendon steps in front of Spencer, putting his hands up in front of him. "One more. If she's not your type, you're free to go."

"She won't be," Spencer says. "Bye, Brendon." Spencer steps around him.

"Hey, wait!" Brendon follows after him. "How are you going to get home?" Brendon looks proud of himself for coming up with such a great argument.

"A cab?" Spencer says.

"Oh," Brendon says, face falling into a frown. "Well, whatever, then. If you're going, I'll come with you."

They drive home without another word.

+

Spencer gets into the guest room and barely has a chance to slip his shoes off before Ryan says, "Okay, spill it."

"Spill what?" Spencer says. He pulls his shirt off and exchanges it for a faded, old t-shirt and takes off his pants before plopping onto his air mattress, much harder than he probably should.

"What's going on with you and Brendon? Are you two fighting about something stupid, because you need to get over it before we start working again."

Spencer thinks that's ridiculous. "Brendon and I haven't been acting like we're fighting. Besides, we're not getting back to work anytime soon. Jon's still in Chicago, and we haven't even discussed what's going to happen after Florida."

"Okay, well, you two have been really awkward, and it's stupid. So stop," Ryan says, like it's that easy. And how does he even know? Ryan isn't the most perceptive of people.

"We're not being awkward," Spencer says. He knows it's a total lie, but short of never speaking to Brendon again, which he isn't actually willing to do, there aren't many other options to make the awkwardness stop.

"Hm," Ryan says. "Is this about Haley?"

"Jesus Christ," Spencer says. "Why does everyone think everything is about Haley. It's not fucking about Haley. It hasn't been about her for a while." Not since he got to LA. It's about _Brendon_ , and the fact that Brendon is being an idiot.

"Right," Ryan says. "Well, whatever it is, and I don't care what you say, it's something, fix it. Talk to him, or hit him, or whatever you need to do, but I am _not_ going to be in the middle of your circle of awkward, and I'm sure Jon and Eric will feel the same way."

As much as Spencer hates to admit it, Ryan is right. He probably needs to actually talk to Brendon and get it over with. He just isn't sure he wants to do that.

+

Brendon and Spencer pack early the night before they leave for Florida. Spencer's duffle bag is already sitting by his door and ready to go. Ryan is packing a giant suitcase at midnight, and both Brendon and Spencer roll their eyes.

"It's for three fucking days," Spencer says. "Why do you need so much?"

Ryan just shrugs and says, "You have to be prepared for anything," and attempts to zip it up. A scarf gets caught in the zipper, and Spencer resists the urge to ask him if he thinks there's going to be a snowstorm in the middle of southern Florida, but he bites his tongue. He can hear Brendon trying not to laugh next to him.

They go to bed, and when Spencer's alarm goes off the next morning, he can already hear someone moving around in the house. It's too early for Shane or Regan to be awake, so it must be Brendon. Ryan groans, says, "Five more minutes," and starts snoring again. Spencer rolls his eyes and slips on a pair of jeans over his boxers and goes into the kitchen.

"Oh hey," Brendon says. "I already made coffee if you want some." Brendon offers Spencer a mug and he takes it, gladly. They sit at the table, neither saying anything as they drink their coffee.

Brendon's wide awake, and Spencer thinks he's probably be up for a while. "What time did you wake up?" he asks.

Brendon blinks and shrugs, saying, "I don't know. A couple of hours ago. I couldn't really sleep last night." Spencer wants to ask him why, but he doesn't know if he's allowed to. He doesn't know a lot of things where Brendon is concerned right now. He doesn't ask.

A few minutes later, Ryan stumbles in, dress shirt unbuttoned, hair still rumpled and rubbing at his eyes with a yawn. He says something through the yawn that Spencer is barely able to translate as, "Is there any more coffee?" Spencer points to the pot and looks at Brendon, rolling his eyes.

Ryan says, "I saw that," as he sits down at the table.

They finish their coffee and drive to the airport. The flight is full, and they all spend most of it trying to sleep, despite the crying baby in the back and a couple of kids who are talking loudly. They land in Florida, Zack now following behind them, and meet Jon at baggage claim.

"Hey guys," he says, and it's almost like the four of them haven't spent the last few months apart.

They go to the hotel first and split into two rooms. Ryan calls Jon, and whispers something to him as they go. Brendon and Spencer split off across the hall and go to their own room. Spencer wonders if it's paranoid to think that whatever Ryan said had to do with him and Brendon and decides that, yes, it really is.

Spencer throws his stuff down next to one of the beds and lies down. Brendon heads straight for the bathroom. The show isn't actually until tomorrow, so conceivably they have some time to hang out in Florida. Brendon comes out of the bathroom and says, "Hey, let's go."

"Where are we going?" Spencer says.

"I don't know. Let's go see if Jon and Ryan want to go out tonight? We could, I don't know, find a bar or something," Brendon says. There's a college nearby, so there probably isn't a shortage of bars.

Spencer shrugs and says, "Sure." It can't hurt to go out with the guys. With Ryan and Jon around maybe it won't even be so awkward with Brendon.

+

They end up just going to the hotel bar. They're sitting in the booth in the back, sharing some appetizers and drinking _a lot_. Jon is telling story after story about hanging out in Chicago and his girlfriend and his cats. Ryan talks about Hawaii. Then Jon says, "What about you guys? You have to be getting into all kinds of trouble in LA."

Spencer thinks that Jon has no idea, and he just shrugs. Brendon laughs and says, "Oh yeah, lots of trouble. We knocked off a liquor store last week," and he finishes his fourth, maybe fifth, beer. Jon laughs, full and loud.

"You think it's funny, but how do you think I can afford to keep Spencer here in coffee and bagels?" Brendon says, wiggling his eyebrows. It looks ridiculous, and Spencer wants to lean over and kiss him because of it.

"Yeah, meanwhile, I am being cruelly mistreated," Ryan says. "My air mattress sucks." Jon laughs and pats him awkwardly on the head.

"I could have made you sleep on the floor," Brendon says, grinning, and they all know he wouldn't have done that. "Count your blessings, Ross."

Ryan grumbles what sounds like a disagreement, but everyone ignores it. Jon says, "Don't suppose you have room for me in that reasonably sized house, do you?"

"You're coming back to LA with us?" Spencer asks.

"Might as well," Jon says. "Ryan and I talked about getting back to work on some songs, and I can be there next week."

"My place should be ready by then," Ryan says. "You can stay there. Trust me, you don't want to be around the Brendon and Spencer House of Feuding right now." Ryan shoots Spencer a look. Brendon nearly spits out his beer.

"We're not feuding," Brendon argues. "We're fine."

"Right," Ryan says. "Man, Jon, you have no idea. If they're even talking to each other, it's been really weird."

"That is a lie," Brendon says. "We're not acting weird."

"Yeah," Spencer says, "you're the weird one." It's pretty much the lamest come back ever, and Spencer knows that.

Jon looks from Brendon and Spencer to Ryan and says, "Right. You know, maybe I'll just stay in Chicago for a while after all." His tone is light, and Spencer's pretty sure that he's only kidding.

"I think I need to go to bed," Brendon says. Ryan gives Jon _a look_ as Brendon gets up.

"I'll come with you," Spencer says. Brendon looks like he's going to argue but he shrugs and just keeps going. Spencer's sure he hears Ryan say, "See, weird," as they walk out of the bar.

+

"Ryan is dumb," Brendon says. He can't quite get the keycard working right. Spencer grabs it and turns it around and it works fine. They stumble into the room and Brendon goes on, "I mean, we're not acting weird. We're totally normal."

"Brendon-" Spencer says, but Brendon interrupts him.

"I mean, so what if we made out, right? It was a thing. And it hasn't happened since, and we're _fine_ , and Ryan is just dumb."

"Do you really think we're fine?" Spencer says. Spencer is pretty sure they're really far from fine. "Because-"

But he doesn't get an answer because Brendon grabs him by the shirt and kisses him. It's different from the first time. Brendon tastes more heavily of alcohol, and he's sloppier, gripping at Spencer's shirt. Spencer's brain is screaming at him to stop this because it's going to make everything worse. He could do it. He could stop Brendon and tell him to go to bed and it would be easy, but it's so much nicer to let Brendon kiss him sloppy and wet, pulling Spencer as he walks backwards to the bed.

Brendon tugs Spencer down with him as he lies back on the bed. Their feet are tangled around each other, dangling off the edge. Spencer can feel his heart pounding, can feel Brendon's finger tips brushing at the hem of his t-shirt. "Spence," Brendon mutters, and Spencer can feel Brendon's breath warm on his cheek.

Spencer shakes his head and starts kissing along Brendon's jaw, down his throat, stopping at his collar bone. He thinks he could leave a mark, so that when Brendon wakes up in the morning it's there, a reminder that this happened, in case he wants to freak out again, but Spencer decides against it. He moves back up to kiss Brendon on the mouth again, tugging on Brendon's bottom lip, lightly.

Brendon thrusts up and says, "Spencer," again, barely a whisper. "Can you. I mean," and then stops.

Spencer can't guess what he was going to say and thinks he probably doesn't want to, anyway. He can feel Brendon's cock, hard, pressing into his thigh. Spencer is sure Brendon knows that he's hard too. He rubs against Brendon's thigh, creating a rhythm that Brendon follows. Spencer says, "Brendon, Brendon, Brendon," breathy and broken. Brendon's breathing is short and heavy, his eyes are closed. Spencer thinks it's pretty much the hottest thing he's ever seen, and he wants to remember it. He presses soft kisses on Brendon's face around his eyes, on his cheek, at the corner of his mouth and down to his jawline, creating snap shots with his mouth, so that he can remember this moment later. He grinds against Brendon harder, speeding their rhythm. Brendon lets out something like a moan that sounds like Spencer's name as he comes, and Spencer doesn't last much longer.

Spencer lies on top of Brendon as they catch their breath. He touches Brendon's jawline lightly with his fingertips. He leaves his fingers on Brendon's face as he rolls over to lie next to Brendon.

Brendon says, "I should get cleaned up," And just like that Spencer feels like the moment is gone and over.

He pushes up off of the bed and lets Brendon walk into the bathroom. By the time Brendon comes back, Spencer has gotten out of his clothes, stripped down to his boxers. He's wiped himself off with his t-shirt, and he's curled into his own blankets on his own bed. Brendon doesn't say a thing as he does the same.

+

Brendon is already gone when Spencer wakes up. He sends a quick text to Ryan, who tells him that Brendon's in his room. Spencer showers and gets dressed and meets them there. Brendon won't meet his eyes, and Jon keeps looking at them. Ryan says, "Next time fucking text _him_." Spencer feels a little ashamed but not enough to really care.

The whole rest of the morning and on the ride to the venue, Spencer keeps trying to get Brendon to look at him. He just fucking won't, and it's really frustrating. Spencer hates Brendon right now, or he would, if he didn't want to just make out with him and maybe hold his hand or something. It's stupid, and Spencer's starting to feel pathetic. It's obvious that Brendon's not interested, but he just can't let it go.

Brendon is fucking _on_ that night, and it drives Spencer crazy. He's glad that he's behind his kit, because the way Brendon works the crowd and moves around stage and does pretty much everything is a huge fucking turn on.

Backstage after the show Spencer says, "Room switch. I get Jon tonight," because he obviously can't trust himself to be around Brendon without acting like a horny teenager, and he's not in the mood to deal with Ryan at all.

Ryan looks like he's going to argue, but Brendon says, "Okay," and that stops him. Jon just shrugs and throws an arm around Spencer, saying something about how it feels like old times.

+

"So," Spencer says, gripping the bottle of beer. "I think I'm fucking in love with him or something."

"In love with who?" Jon says. He keeps looking at his phone, and it's kind of annoying because Spencer is just trying to have a fucking conversation with someone who is completely unbiased. "Sorry, Cass sent me a picture of Clover and Marley. Fucking adorable." Spencer really doesn't care about Jon's pets right now.

"Brendon," Spencer says.

"You think you're in love with Brendon?" Jon makes it sound like a ridiculous claim, and maybe to an outsider it is, but Spencer feels _something_ and if it's not love then it's something on the verge of that.

"I don't know. I want to make out with him, basically all the time and maybe hold his hand." It sounds a lot more lame when he says it out loud, but he's had three beers and he had to say it to someone, since Brendon isn't willing to listen, the little asshole.

"That's random," Jon says, and maybe it is.

"He thinks I'm _vulnerable_ ," Spencer says. He hates that word. "He says he doesn't want to take advantage of me after Haley, or whatever."

"That sounds like a good thing to me," Jon says, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, except he's _wrong_. I am so so over Haley." Spencer _is_ over her. Why doesn't anyone believe him?

"I think you've had enough," Jon says, which is ridiculous because Jon has no right to ever tell anyone they've had enough to drink, but when Jon takes Spencer's beer away he lets him. "You should sleep."

"Don't tell Brendon I told you," Spencer says. He hasn't even really told Jon much of anything, but knowing someone else knows is freaking him out a little. "Or Ryan, especially not Ryan."

"Sure thing, Spence," Jon says. "Anyway, it's probably best if Ryan thinks you're just fighting over the last of the Fritos or leaving your wet towels on the floor. He'll start ranting about how this could fuck up the band dynamic or something," Jon says, laughing. And somehow hearing Jon laugh about it makes it a little better.

+

Ryan, Spencer and Brendon say goodbye to Jon at the airport. He promises to call in a few days to work out when they're going to get to work. Ryan makes Brendon and Spencer sit next to each other on the plane so they can work out their issues or whatever Ryan is calling it, but mostly Spencer just feels Brendon's arm brush his every time he goes to skip a song on his iPod.

Brendon doesn't say anything to him, which makes Spencer feel uncomfortable and anxious. He doesn't like it. He tries to start up conversations a few times but they keep getting interrupted by flight attendants and Ryan and people turning to ask them if they know what time it is. Spencer kind of wants to stand up and tell everyone to shut the fuck up and let them talk. He doesn't think that would help though.

When they get back to LA, Ryan says he has somewhere to be and disappears, leaving Brendon and Spencer alone in the house for the afternoon. Brendon sits on the sofa and flips through the channels half-heartedly while Spencer makes coffee. He doesn't really want any, but he's restless and needs to do something with his hands.

The coffee is done, but he can't convince himself to drink any. He could go to his room and check his emails, maybe call his mom, but he goes into the living room and sits next to Brendon instead. Neither says anything for a while, they just look at the screen. Family Guy is on, and all of the jokes are funny but no one is laughing.

"This is dumb," Brendon finally says. "We're friends." Spencer doesn't respond because he doesn't think Brendon wants to hear what he has to say. "Look, Spencer, I know you, whatever, but you don't, okay?"

"I don't?" Spencer's mouth betrays him and the words are out before his brain can tell them not to speak.

"You think you do, and that's cool, but I don't want," Brendon says. "Not like this." Spencer wants to ask what he means by _like this_ , but Brendon's out the front door before he can question it. It's only 7pm, but Spencer goes to bed anyway.

+

Ryan is still gone when Spencer wakes up, or maybe gone again. Shane tells him that Ryan left early and didn't say where he was going or when he would be back. Spencer assumes that it's probably for the best. He probably doesn't want to know. Brendon is gone too, but Spencer pretends not to care and doesn't ask Shane where he's gone.

Spencer spends most of the afternoon watching television, since he has the place to himself after Shane leaves for work. There's not a whole lot of watchable TV in the afternoon, but there's a lot of unwatchable TV that is really easy to get stuck on. Spencer's watching some court show where two roommates are bickering over the security deposit when the front door opens and closes.

"Anyone here?" Brendon says. Spencer hears his keys fall onto the table next to the door, and he comes into the living room. "Oh, hey." Brendon flops back onto the couch and says, "Oh, I've seen this one. The judge gives the money to the plaintiff, and then the other girl spends five minutes at the end of the show talking about how she was wronged. It's pretty awesome."

Spencer thinks it's unfair of Brendon to come in here and act like nothing happened, but he can't be bothered to fight anymore, so he just goes along with it.

"Thanks, jackass," Spencer says, clicking the TV off. "Now I don't even want to watch it." Not that it was terribly interesting, but it's the principle of the matter. "Where did you go?"

Brendon just shrugs. "What have you been up to? Where's Ross?"

"Don't know," Spencer says. "He was gone when I got up."

The sit like that for a while, Brendon on one end of the couch, Spencer on the other, not saying a word to each other. Yet another awkward silence to add to a million that have occurred in the last little while. Eventually Brendon sighs, breaking it, and says, "I was just out. I went to, like, every record store within twenty miles. I didn't find anything, though." Spencer is pretty sure that Brendon didn't spend 20 hours in record stores, but he doesn't question Brendon about it any further.

"Okay," Spencer says. "Were you looking for anything specific?" He doesn't know what Brendon wants from him.

"No," Brendon says, a little frustration coming out in his voice. "It wasn't about ---nevermind."

"Okay." Brendon is confusing the fuck out of Spencer right now.

"Look, this is stupid," Brendon says. "It was a mistake." Brendon is obviously making an effort not to look at Spencer. His knees are not that interesting. "Both times, they were mistakes."

"Of course, yeah." Spencer doesn't think it was a mistake, but Brendon doesn't want to hear it, and Spencer is tired of arguing.

"Are you sure? Because you're being awkward as fuck, and it sucks, so just. Stop, okay?" Brendon sounds a little desperate, and it's hard for Spencer to deny him what he wants.

"Yeah, okay," Spencer says. It's not that easy and he knows it, but he can probably pretend.

"Good, because, seriously, dude. You're my best friend or whatever, and this is all really fucked up. I just want to get back to normal," Brendon says.

Spencer nods and says, "Yeah, okay," because it's hard not to do what Brendon asks when he puts it that way, and it can't possibly be that hard to pretend that nothing happened between them.

+

Ryan spends a lot of his time his time in LA "out," without any specifics. Spencer is really curious as to where he's spending all of his time, but he finds it's better if he doesn't ask what Ryan is up to. Things get less awkward between Spencer and Brendon, but that probably has something to do with the way Spencer spends all of _his_ time trying to avoid Brendon. It's really hard, given that he's staying in Brendon's house, but he's putting up a good effort. He spends most of his time in his room or pretending to be on the phone. Sometimes he even goes out to lunch or dinner by himself.

Spencer misses spending time with Brendon, but he's trying to do what Brendon wants, trying to make everything normal in the only way he thinks he can. Avoidance makes everything so much better. Shane has the day off, and Brendon's still in his room when Spencer comes out to get coffee and maybe a bagel.

"So," Shane says, "You're avoiding Brendon."

"What?" Spencer questions. "No, I'm not. Everything's fine with Brendon."

"Uh-huh," Shane says, quirking an eyebrow. "Well, I don't know. There are some pretty good signs that you're avoiding him."

"Like what?" Spencer asks. Maybe if he knows what's obvious, he can make it stop.

"Well, you looked around the corner before you came through the hallway and into the kitchen," Shane says. "And also, Brendon came up to me yesterday and said, 'I think Spencer is avoiding me.' He was pretty tragic about it, too."

"Oh," Spencer says. "Sorry." He's a little ashamed.

"Don't apologize to me, dude. Apologize to him," Shane says. "Or, you know, just stop. Because he gets this really stupid, sad face when you leave the room as soon as he walks in, and Regan hates it. She said it makes her want to bake him cookies, and she's likely to burn down the kitchen if she tries that."

"Oh," Spencer lets out a quiet laugh. "Yeah, okay. I'll stop."

"You'd better," Shane says. "Or you're going to eat those cookies, and pretend to like them."

+

Spencer spends the rest of the day trying to decide whether or not he can actually stop avoiding Brendon and still not be uncomfortable around him. Which involves avoiding Brendon more, and then he feels shitty. He eventually decides that he just needs to do it now, or he'll keep avoiding Brendon until he goes back to Vegas. It's late when he taps on Brendon's door. Almost midnight. He's sure Brendon's not asleep, though.

"Come in," Brendon says. Spencer opens the door and pops his head in, and Brendon says, "Oh, hey."

"Hi," Spencer says, oddly nervous. He walks over to Brendon and sits down on the edge of the bed. It's just _Brendon_. There isn't going to be a repeat of Florida, especially not with Shane and Regan right down the hall.

"Decided to stop avoiding me?" Brendon says, a little coldly.

"I wasn't -" Spencer says. "Okay, I was. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well," Brendon says. "I guess it's my fault too."

They sit like that for a while, until Spencer says, "I don't get it."

"Don't get what?" Brendon says.

"You," Spencer says. "You were into it when it was happening, and now you just want to ignore it, and don't tell me it's because it didn't mean anything. That's bullshit."

"It was a mistake," Brendon says. Spencer doesn't actually think that explains much of anything.

"Why was it a mistake?" Spencer asks. "It didn't seem like a mistake to me."

"Because," Brendon says. "Look, it's not that I- You barely got over Haley, okay, and the last thing you need is me making it _more_ confusing."

"I've been over Haley for a while," Spencer says. Less than a month, but it feels like a lot longer to Spencer. "And it's not like you were just there."

"But I was," Brendon says. "I've been there ever since she left, and that's fine. I wanted to be because, like I said, you're my best friend, and it kind of sucked to watch you moping around acting like you'd never be happy again, so I helped. And then that happened, and that's cool, whatever, but it was a mistake." Brendon doesn't sound extremely convinced, but he sounds more convinced than Spencer.

"Twice," Spencer says.

"What?" Brendon looks at him with sad, pathetic eyes, and it's hard to keep talking.

"Twice, Brendon, it happened twice, and that's not a mistake," Spencer says. "That's a fucking pattern of behavior."

"Spencer, just stop," Brendon says. "I can't. Not with you." His voice sounds broken and raw, and Spencer can't argue anymore.

"Yeah," Spencer says. "Okay."

"Good, so we agree" Brendon says. "Now will you stop being a fucking douche about this?"

"Yeah," Spencer says.

"Good." Brendon sighs. "Look, I know that you don't realize it, but you're barely over her, and the last thing you need is a friend taking advantage of that."

Spencer supposes that Brendon is right about that. It doesn't actually make him agree completely, but he's willing to back off and maybe try not to be so weird.

"So, hey, since you're not avoiding me, and it looks like you're not going to sleep any time soon either, wanna watch a movie?" Brendon asks.

"Okay," Spencer says. Brendon puts in a movie that they've both seen half a million times, and they both fall asleep halfway through.

+

Spencer wakes up with the distinct feeling that he's not where he's supposed to be. First of all, it's comfortable, a lot more so than his air mattress in the guest room, and second of all, there is a warm body next to him. Strike that, a warm body curled into him, with an arm stretched across his chest. He blinks a few times and realizes that he's in Brendon's room, and then remembers falling asleep in the middle of the movie last night.

He considers waking Brendon up to go get breakfast, and then he considers just staying put until Brendon wakes up. He does neither of those. Instead, he opts to move slowly, pushing Brendon's arm off of him and trying to get up and out of bed without Brendon noticing. He doesn't make it though. He hears a soft groan and then, "Spencer?"

"Yeah, sorry," Spencer whispers. "I was trying not to wake you up."

"S'okay," Brendon says, pushing up onto his elbows and rubbing at his eyes. "I was mostly awake already." He yawns and stretches, pushing himself into a sitting position.

There's a quick, loud knock on the door. "Hey, Brendon, have you seen Spencer?" It's Ryan.

Brendon puts his fingers to his lips to hush Spencer, and says, "Nope, haven't seen him."

Spencer rolls his eyes at Brendon.

"He disappeared at, like, midnight and never came back to the room," Ryan says.

"Curious," Brendon says. "Maybe he met a nice girl and went back to her place. Did you try calling him?"

"Yeah, his phone is still on his bed," Ryan says. "I'm sure he'll be back. But I need to talk to him."

"Well, if I see him, I'll tell him," Brendon says. The look on his face is manic, and Spencer is trying his best not to speak up or laugh, or both.

"Yeah, okay," Ryan says, and after a few seconds of silence on the other end, Brendon starts laughing.

"That wasn't very funny," Spencer says, but he's smiling.

"Oh, come on. Ryan's going to go crazy looking for you. It's hilarious."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "Until I come out of _your room_ , and then he either a, gets really pissed that you screwed with him or b, thinks that we spent all night having wild sex and then proceeds to tell Jon, Pete, Zack and everyone else we know." Specifically since that might lead to Jon revealing what happened in Florida, Spencer would rather that not happen.

"Oh, I didn't think about it like that." He waves a hand and says, "Eh, whatever. Doesn't matter. It was still funny."

"You're kind of a dick," Spencer says, but he betrays his words by laughing.

"Yeah, maybe," Brendon says. "Hey, we should make him wait, though. Let's hang out in here for a while."

Spencer thinks he should probably at least tell Ryan he's alive, but hanging out with Brendon seems like a much better plan, so he says, "Yeah, okay." It feels relaxed and comfortable and normal. For the first time Spencer thinks that maybe he has been making things harder than they should be.

+

Two hours later, Brendon and Spencer are still in Brendon's room. They've mostly been flipping through the channels, not watching anything, and talking about random things, whatever comes to their minds. Spencer thinks they should probably get out of bed and go tell Ryan he's been here the whole time, but he can't bring himself to leave Brendon's room.

Brendon's bed isn't huge, so they're almost touching, and Spencer could get used to it. He's telling himself not to, that whatever he wants, Brendon doesn't want it, so it's stupid to even entertain the idea. But he can't really help himself.

"Hey, so, I have an idea," Brendon says. "And you have to hear me out." Spencer doesn't like the sound of that, but he nods anyway. "You should definitely let me find someone for you."

"I thought I made it pretty clear the other night that I really don't want that," Spencer says. He knew he wasn't going to like whatever Brendon was thinking.

"I know, but look, if you're clinging to me, then what you really need is someone to just have a casual thing with, and I could help you find that." Brendon seems really excited about this, but Spencer isn't convinced. "You need a rebound person. Let me help you find that rebound person, Spence."

"Why don't you go find yourself a date and leave me out of it," Spencer says. He doesn't really want a rebound person, and if he did, he could find his own. Brendon's helped enough.

"Fine, but I am going to find an awesome date, and you're going to be jealous when you realize they could have been yours," Brendon finishes proudly. And then promptly loses it. Spencer follows him into laughter, and a few minutes later there's a knock at the door.

"Brendon?" Ryan says. Spencer clamps a hand over his mouth and Brendon tries to stifle his laughter. "Is Spencer in there with you?"

"Nope," Brendon says.

"But I just heard you laughing, and it sounded like he was." Ryan sounds really confused, and for a brief moment, Spencer feels really bad for him. But just for a brief moment.

"Nope," Brendon says again. "Sorry, I don't know what to tell you."

Spencer thinks Ryan's gone, but a few minutes later he sighs, and then there are footsteps down the hall. "That's kind of mean," Spencer says. "I should go find him."

"Whatever. He's been an elusive fucker ever since he got here," Brendon says. "Now it's your turn."

"Are you holding me hostage, Brendon?" Spencer asks.

"Yes," Brendon says, nodding. "That's exactly what I'm doing."

Spencer laughs again, and then he looks at Brendon. Brendon is smiling, and then settles back against the headboard. Spencer follows suit, and they lie, stretched out, just right next to each other.

Spencer can't help himself.

He moves in closer to Brendon and presses their lips together. Once again, Brendon doesn't stop it. He doesn't do anything to deepen the kiss, but he doesn't pull away, and Spencer takes that as an invitation. He moves even closer to Brendon, pushing their bodies together.

"Spencer," Brendon whispers.

Spencer says, "I know," but he keeps going. Brendon still doesn't stop him.

Spencer moves so that he's on top of Brendon now, one hand playing with Brendon's shirttail, the other moving to play with the hair at the nape of Brendon's neck. It's a lot shorter than it used to be, but it feels soft on Spencer's fingers, softer than he had expected. Just when Spencer thinks, _yes, this is going to happen, yes, I want this to happen and Brendon does too_ , Brendon says Spencer's name again, but this time it's different.

"Yeah, I know," Spencer says, sighing. He presses his forehead to Brendon's. "This is stupid."

"I'm sorry," Brendon says, and Spencer can tell that he means it. "It's not. I mean, it's complicated, is the thing."

Spencer rolls over on his back. If he never hears the words _it's complicated_ again, it will be way too soon. "I should go find Ryan," Spencer says.

"Yeah, okay," Brendon says, and then, "This just got weird again, didn't it?"

"Yeah," Spencer says, which is a lie because it never stopped being weird in the first place, not really.

"Spencer, look," Brendon says, but Spencer doesn't give him the chance.

"No, it's fine," Spencer says, and he leaves the room.

+

Ryan is in the guest room, scribbling something in a notebook. Maybe lyrics, Spencer's never really sure with Ryan. It could be a note reminding himself to pay his fucking bills on time this month.

"Hey," Spencer says.

"Where the hell were you?" Ryan demands. "I was looking for you, like, all morning."

Spencer shrugs instead of giving an actual answer. "What's up?" He asks. Hearing whatever Ryan's problem is sounds like a much better idea than having to explain that he's sort of falling for Brendon, and Brendon is mostly being a tease about it and won't tell him why. As Jon had said, Ryan would probably just rant for an hour about how shit like that fucks with the band dynamic. Spencer wonders if that's Brendon's reason.

"So, I have this problem," Ryan says.

"Did you forget to pay your phone bill again?" Spencer says, because seriously. Ryan is always forgetting to pay his phone bill, which is stupid because Spencer told him how to set up automatic payments six months ago.

"No," Ryan says. "There's this girl."

"No," Spencer says. "No, I didn't hear that. I'm not involved. Not. Involved." Ryan is Spencer's best friend, and there are a lot of things he would do for Ryan, but being involved with his love life isn't one of them. He likes Keltie, and he doesn't want to have to lie to her when she calls him and asks him where the fuck Ryan is now. He wants to know as little as possible when the shit hits the fan and Ryan gets caught. Again.

"Fine," Ryan says, crossing his arms at his chest. "Then I don't want to hear about you and Brendon."

"Fine, because I wasn't going to _tell_ you anything about me and Brendon," Spencer says. And oh shit. Ryan's got this slight little smirk that Spencer figured out a long time ago is Bad News.

"So there's something to tell, then?" Ryan asks, and for the briefest of moments, Spencer hates him. Hates Ryan and wishes he'd never met him because he's a terrible, sneaky best friend when he wants to be.

"No," Spencer says, and it's obvious that he's lying. Ryan just stares at him, this really creepy intense stare, and Spencer wants it to stop. "Dude, that's creepy, and it's not going to change my answer."

"You were in his room this morning," Ryan says. "Which means you probably slept there last night."

"Yes, but not for whatever dumb reason you're thinking. We were watching a movie, and we fell asleep." Spencer can see Ryan thinking about pressing the issue, but he decides against it and drops his arms to his side.

"If you say so," Ryan says. "I'm going out. Not that you want to know where."

Sometimes Spencer really hates his life.

+

"So, it's just you and me," Brendon says. "Awesome. Booze, movies and pizza all weekend. How does that sound to you?" Valentine's Day is a couple of days away. Ryan's headed to Vegas to see Keltie, while Shane and Regan have gone off for some romantic weekend.

"Not great," Spencer says solemnly, Brendon looks surprised, and then Spencer grins. "I was thinking more like Chinese. Possibly Thai."

"I like the way you think, Spencer Smith," Brendon says. He goes into the kitchen and pulls all of the take out menus from the drawer closest to the fridge.

"I'm a smart guy. What can I say?" Spencer follows Brendon into the kitchen and sits at the table, while Brendon flips through take out menus.

"Found it!" Brendon says. He sits on the table top next to Spencer, kicking his feet in the air. "What do you want?"

"Regan would freak if she knew your ass was sitting where she eats," Spencer says.

"Regan's not here, is she?" Brendon says. "I know what I want, so you make a decision and tell me."

"Chinese or Thai?" Spencer says. Brendon holds up the menu and Spencer says, "Sweet and sour chicken, two eggrolls. Oh, and some lo mein." Spencer taps his fingers on the table, waiting for Brendon to finish on the phone.

"Should be about forty-five minutes," Brendon says, setting the phone down on the table next to him. "I'm going to watch TV." Spencer follows Brendon back into the living room and plops back on the sofa next to him. Brendon settles on an old black and white movie that Spencer can't remember having ever seen before. They sit in silence for a while, but Spencer can tell that Brendon's starting to get a little restless next to him. "Okay, so," Brendon says, and then, "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I talked to Haley yesterday."

"Oh," Spencer says, and he's surprised at how little it bothers him that she talked to Brendon. "Okay."

"Okay? That's it? Just okay?" Brendon stares at Spencer like he's grown a second head or just told Brendon that he's got a week to live. It's comical, actually, and Spencer wants to laugh.

"I told you," Spencer says. "I'm really over her. Do you think I was just saying that to get you off my back?"

"Well, yeah." At least Brendon is honest. "Don't you want to know why I talked to her?"

Spencer really isn't freaked out that Brendon and Haley talked, but he can admit he's curious about what they had to say to one another. "Yeah," he says. "I want to know why."

"She called me," Brendon says, and then, "She wanted to ask how you were." Brendon looks at Spencer, and when Spencer doesn't say anything, he goes on. "She wanted to know if you were seeing anyone, man."

"Oh," Spencer says, and for the briefest moment he considers it, thinks about how he could call her right now and ask her to come home, and he could go back to Vegas with the dogs, and they could be just like they were before. Only, Spencer is shocked to realize how much that's exactly the opposite of what he wants.

"Are you going to call her?" Brendon asks. He's looking at Spencer like he already knows the answer is yes, like Spencer is going to excuse himself and go upstairs right now and have a heart to heart with Haley.

But Spencer says, "No," And then, "Well, probably. Eventually, but not now." Spencer shakes his head. "She was right about something. We needed to be apart. She did it for herself, but I think it was the right thing."

"But maybe she didn't mean for it to be forever," Brendon says. "You should call her."

"Brendon," Spencer says, almost in a whisper. "I want-" But Spencer stops himself. He doesn't exactly know what he wants. He knows it's not Haley. Not anymore. Sometimes he thinks it's Brendon, but he's pretty sure that Brendon doesn't want to hear that.

"You should talk to Haley," Brendon says. "Before you do anything stupid." Brendon looks back at the TV, concentrating on it, ignoring Spencer completely.

Spencer excuses himself.

+

It takes him half an hour to actually dial Haley's number. He took her out of his contacts a month ago, but he still has the number memorized. He probably won't ever forget it. It rings three times before he hears the click and then, "Spencer?" Haley sounds happy.

"Yeah, hi," Spencer says. He tries not to pace too much. "Brendon said he talked to you yesterday."

"Yeah," she says. "I know I should have called you, but I wanted to ask him if you, I mean, if there was someone else. Or something." Spencer hears her suck in a deep breath and then let it out, and then she says, "He said you're not seeing anyone. You're not, are you?"

"No," Spencer says. He almost lies. It'd be close enough to the truth. He spends most of his time with Brendon, and the time he's not with Brendon he's thinking about how he would like to be with him. Even if they're not exactly seeing each other, Spencer thinks he'd _like_ there to be more between them than there is.

"Good," she says, relieved. "That's... good." There's someone talking in the background. Haley's parents, friends, Spencer's not sure. "Spencer, can we, I don't know, I want to come out there, talk. I want to- I miss you."

"Haley," Spencer whispers. "Look, I," he says, but he doesn't know where to go from there. He misses her still, sometimes, but not the way he thinks she misses him. "There's someone else."

"But you said you weren't seeing anyone," she says. Spencer's glad he can't see her. He can just picture the look on her face, her eyes going big and glassy with tears. She's probably biting her lip right now.

"I'm not," Spencer says, and then, "It's complicated." He fucking hates those two words together, but it's the only way he can possibly describe the situation.

"Oh," Haley says. "Right, yeah. It was stupid of me to think that you would - I mean, I'm the one who left, right? I guess I just thought that we would- when everything was over with, I thought we could be okay."

"Yeah," Spencer says. There were times when he felt the same way. "I know."

"I'm sorry about all of this. I never meant to- I never wanted to hurt you," she says.

"I know," Spencer says. "This is going to sound stupid and cliche, but I do miss you. Maybe we could talk sometimes, just, you know, as friends."

"Yeah," Haley says. "Look, I have to go. I call you sometime, Spence." And then Spencer hears the other end of the line go dead.

+

When Spencer finally goes back downstairs, Brendon is sitting in the floor, surrounded by boxes of Chinese food, and the TV has been replaced with the classic rock station, and Brendon is reclined with his head on the couch, listening to it. He hasn't touched any of the food.

"How long ago did this come?" Spencer says, and Brendon jumps at the sound of his voice.

"Oh," Brendon says. "I don't know, ten minutes? Maybe fifteen."

Spencer sits down on the floor next to him, grabbing a set of chopsticks and the lo mein. "You turned off the movie?"

Brendon shrugs and says, "It was boring. Anyway, the food came, and then I really needed to listen to The White Album, right now, but I was too lazy get up and put it in, so I just turned on the classic rock station and thought, hey, maybe they'll play something I want to hear."

"And has that worked?" Spencer says, mouth full of noodles. Brendon just shrugs. "You're not hungry?" Spencer asks, and Brendon shrugs again.

"Did you talk to Haley?" Brendon asks.

"Yeah," Spencer says, nodding. He doesn't elaborate, and for a brief moment, he thinks Brendon might not ask him to. But eventually, he says, "And?"

"And nothing," Spencer says, putting down the lo mein. "There wasn't really anything to talk about."

"She doesn't want to get back together?" There's a hint of something in Brendon's voice, but Spencer can't quite place it.

"She wanted to talk," Spencer says.

"So, there was something to talk about," Brendon says. He seems to be carefully avoiding all eye contact, but Spencer can't be sure about that.

"Not really," Spencer says.

"But she was the love of your life or whatever," Brendon says. "You pretty much said that, like, ten minutes after you two started dating."

"That was a long time ago," Spencer says. "That's not what I want anymore."

"Oh," Brendon says. "What do you want now?"

"I don't know," Spencer says. It's a lie. "I guess I want to keep playing music with my best friends, and after that... I don't know." Brendon just nods.

"Don't eat all the lo mein," Brendon finally says, taking the box of sweet and sour chicken.

+

For some reason, Brendon and Spencer get up before noon. They' sit on the sofa, and Brendon watches some early morning talk show. The reporter is overly perky for this early in the day, as she talks about her personal secret to keeping her whites white and her colors bright. Brendon seems really interested.

"I'm bored," Spencer says. "This isn't at all interesting."

"Can't you see I'm watching this?" Brendon says seriously, but there's a hint of a smile on his lips, and then he starts laughing. "Okay, yeah, you're right. I can't even pretend."

"We should do something." It's early, and Spencer doesn't even know if there's a lot _to_ do, but he feels like he needs to get away from the talk show.

"Dude, we should go get something to eat. I'm starving. I really want, like, I don't know. Pancakes or, ooh, waffles. I could seriously scarf down some waffles right now." Brendon stands up like he's already decided. "There's this great place a couple of streets over that serves brunch all week. Let's go."

"You want to go to brunch?" Spencer asks.

"Well, it's too late for breakfast and not late enough for lunch. So yes, that is the exact definition of _brunch_. Let's go!" Brendon is apparently really excited about pancakes.

Brendon drives to the restaraunt. It's pretty crowded for a Friday morning, and they end up sitting at a small table at the very back. They order mimosas and pancakes. Spencer hasn't ever actually had an official brunch before, and now that he is he thinks it's basically breakfast with alcohol, which is actually kind of amazing.

Spencer glances around and notices that it's mostly couples sitting around the restaurant. He hadn't realized that this was a thing that people who were together did. He wonders if Brendon knew that when he suggested it.

"So, are you okay?" Brendon asks. Spencer hadn't even noticed that he put down his fork. He's looking at Spencer like he's afraid of the answer, maybe.

"What? Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. Because of Haley," Brendon says.

Spencer shrugs. He was actually content to not talk about it, but apparently they've stopped ignoring it now. "I'm good."

"Okay," Brendon says. "Just, you know, tell me if you're not."

"I am." Spencer isn't really good, but it has nothing to do with Haley. Brendon doesn't want to hear about though. The rest of brunch they stick to talking about stupid things like how Brendon is going to kick Spencer's ass at Guitar Hero later. It's pretty awesome.

+

 

"So, we should go out tonight," Brendon says. Spencer quirks an eyebrow and says, "It's Valentine's Day. You want to go out on Valentine's Day?"

"Oh," Brendon says, face falling. "I guess I hadn't really thought about that." He shakes his head and then shrugs. "Whatever. There's nothing wrong with two dudes going out for some food and maybe a movie on Valentine's Day. It'll be, like, a dude solidarity night. Or something."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "Whatever." Because the alternative is ordering Chinese or Thai or pizza and watching some movie that they've seen a million times for the third night in a row, and Spencer could stand to get out of the house.

"Cool," Brendon says. "Let's go."

"It's not tonight," Spencer says. "It's barely this afternoon."

"I'm bored," Brendon says.

Spencer just rolls his eyes and says, "Yeah, okay. Let's go."

Brendon drives, and they end up at a bowling alley. Spencer hasn't been bowling in years, and he's not sure he was ever any good at it, but Brendon pays for the lanes and the shoe and ball rentals and insists that they play a game to the death.

"Winner buys the loser _two_ beers," Brendon says, holding up two fingers.

"Yeah, only because you know that I'm going to lose," Spencer says. "Why bowling?"

Brendon shrugs and says, "It was that or the beach, and that's bound to be crawling with couples today." Spencer knows that Brendon has a point, and decides not to argue anymore.

As predicted, after eight frames Brendon is way in the lead, and Spencer has picked up two spares the entire game. No strikes. "This sucks," Spencer says. "I'm bad at this game."

"Two more frames and you owe me two beers at the bar," Brendon says. He lands another strike, his fourth in the game, and Spencer sighs.

Two frames later, Brendon comes out victorious. Spencer could have gotten two strikes and still lost. Brendon does a dance at the end of the lane and then goes up to Spencer and says, "Suck it, Smith. Now buy me my beers."

Spencer orders them each a beer at the bar, and even springs for an order of disgusting chili-cheese fries for them to share. They find a booth in the back of the bar and sit opposite each other. "These are the grossest fries I have ever had," Brendon says, and then, "I love them."

Spencer laughs as Brendon stuffs a ridiculous amount of fries in his mouth. There's chili at the corner of his mouth and spread over his lips, and Spencer can't believe for a moment that this is the guy he wants. It doesn't change anything, though. "That's really gross," he says.

"What can I say? I'm a gross dude," Brendon says. "What are we doing next?"

"I don't know," Spencer says. "This whole thing was your idea. What do you want to do next?"

Brendon shrugs and says, "I hadn't really thought about it." Brendon sits for a moment, thinking, and then says, "First, you owe me one more beer," he says, downing the the last of the first. "After I drink that, we should go get something to eat."

"You just ate almost all of those chili-cheese fries," Spencer says.

"Merely an appetizer," Brendon says. "Now, go get me another beer. We had a bet."

+

They end up at Chili's, where Brendon orders boneless buffalo wings and more beer. This time he's paying for himself though, so Spencer can't really complain. Brendon is talking about the last time he bowled, six months ago against one of his nephews.

"I wiped the floor with him too," Brendon says. "I considered letting him win, but that wouldn't be fair to either one of us, you know?"

"Brendon, he's seven," Spencer says.

"Exactly!" Brendon says. "He was on the next lane over, and he got those stupid bumper things and everything." Spencer lets out a laugh, and Brendon just stares at him. And then starts laughing too. "Okay, maybe I'm kind of a douche."

"Kind of?" Spencer says, and Brendon kicks him lightly under the table. "Hey, that hurt."

"It did not," Brendon says, and then, "So, where do we go from here?"

"What?" Spencer says, unsure of what Brendon means.

"After dinner, man," Brendon says. "What's next?"

"Oh," Spencer says. "I don't know. We could go home?" Brendon's home, Spencer corrects himself mentally. He doesn't actually _live_ there.

"You are not thinking very creatively, Spence. I guess I have to do everything around here," Brendon says with a sigh. "Let's go to a movie. I think the new Friday the Thirteenth is out."

"That movie looks dumb," Spencer says.

"Exactly!" Brendon is kind of lame sometimes, Spencer realizes, but that's really part of his charm, and after a minute Spencer finally says, "Yeah, okay."

They finish their food, and then Brendon pays for it. Spencer tries to get them to split the bill and then Brendon says, "You paid for the chili-cheese fries." It's hardly the same thing, and Spencer tries to say that, but the waiter has already taken the check and Brendon's credit card. "Just get the movie or something," Brendon says.

+

The movie, predictably, is really terrible. But Brendon and Spencer basically spend the whole time pretending to be scared of the lamest things and pointing out all of the parts that look really fake, all the while making fun of the couples that are sitting around them. When the movie is over, Brendon looks at Spencer and says, "Okay, so decision time. We can a, go home or b, go get ice cream." Judging by Brendon's face, he really likes option b, but this is all starting to feel a lot less like two dudes hanging out and laughing in the face of Valentine's Day and way more like a date, and Spencer's not sure how he feels about that or what Brendon would say if he pointed it out.

"I'm kind of tired," Spencer says.

Brendon looks disappointed. "Oh," he says. "Well, okay. Let's just go home then."

"No," Spencer says. "We'll go get ice cream. That's cool. It's not that late."

"Awesome," Brendon says.

They end up sitting in the back corner of Cold Stone, surrounded by couples of various ages. There is one group of girls in the corner that seems to recognize them, but they're just glancing over a lot and then whispering to each other.

"So, this has been a good day, right?" Brendon asks.

"Uhm, yeah," Spencer says. "It was nice to get out after a few days stuck inside."

"Yeah," Brendon says. "So, we should go home after this."

Spencer nods, and they finish their ice creams in silence.

They fight their way through the crowd of people in Cold Stone and make their way back to the car. Brendon turns the radio on quietly and sings along under his breath for a couple of songs before he starts fiddling with it and then turns it off. Spencer doesn't ask why, just goes with it and lets Brendon do what he's going to do. He wonders if maybe Brendon caught on to the date vibe of the evening and if everything is going to feel crushingly awkward between them for the next two weeks. Again.

"So, here's the thing," Brendon finally says. "I've sort of had this thing for you for, like, years." Spencer doesn't know what to say to that, so he just lets Brendon keep talking. "And then you met Haley and I knew that I was just being a dumb kid, and I let it go, especially when she moved in with you, and it looked like you guys were actually going to make it, like, forever." Brendon takes a deep breath before continuing. "But we're friends now, and that's cool with me, you know. When you and Haley broke up, I'll admit, I thought about what would happen now, but I let that go a long time ago, and so I pushed it away."

"Then why are you telling me this now?" Spencer says, so quietly he's not even sure that he says it.

"I don't know," Brendon says. "The last thing I want is to fuck up what we _do_ have. The last thing I want, after that, is to be some rebound fling. I mean, as much as you probably need someone to take your mind off Haley, I don't know if I could handle that. Because, dude, you have no idea."

Spencer thinks that's probably true. He has no fucking idea what's going on with Brendon, what's been going on with Brendon.

"So, yeah," Brendon says. "That's why I keep, you know. I just can't be that person for you. So find that person, move on, and then if you still think you want... I just can't."

They pull into the driveway, but neither one of them makes a move to get out of the car. Finally, Brendon says, "Would you say something? Because I really don't know where your mind is right now."

"I don't know," Spencer says.

"Okay," Brendon says and then gets out of car. Spencer stays outside until he sees the light in Brendon's bedroom go on, and then he gets out of the car and goes inside and straight up to his room.

+

It's four in the morning and Spencer can't sleep. He just keeps thinking about what happened tonight with Brendon. He closes his eyes, but he can't shut his brain off. He feels like he needs to talk to Brendon right now or it will be too late.

He rolls over and tries to count sheep or sing the alphabet or whatever it is people say you should do to get to sleep, but it doesn't work. So he does the only thing he can think of. He slips out of bed and walks down the hall to Brendon's room.

He knocks on the door, but Brendon doesn't say anything. He goes in anyway and walks to the bed, sitting down at the edge. "Brendon," he whispers, checking to see if Brendon is awake.

There's a long pause before Brendon finally says, "Yeah, I'm awake," in response.

Spencer doesn't know what to say. He doesn't have a speech planned or anything, but he wants to get it out. He needs to say _something_ about this to Brendon.

"Look, I know what you think, but-"

"Spencer," Brendon says.

"No, let me talk, okay, Brendon? I know you think you know what I need, but you're wrong. I don't want some random person to help me get over Haley. I don't need some rebound fling. The fact that you think I would use you like that is actually really fucking insulting. I want _you_ , not because I need to get my mind off of her but because of you. Also, I need you to stop thinking you know what's best for me." Spencer doesn't really feel better, but he feels like he could sleep now, if he tried.

Brendon doesn't say anything. Spencer stands up and walks to the door. He turns around to look at Brendon, but Brendon is lying on his side, facing the opposite wall. Spencer goes back to bed, and he sleeps.

+

It's stupidly early when Spencer's phone starts ringing. He ignores it the first, second and third times, but on the fourth phone call it's hard to shut his eyes and go back to sleep. He looks at the display and inwardly curses Ryan, answering the phone, "This had better be really fucking good."

"Keltie dumped me," Ryan says.

"Oh," Spencer says. "Shit. What the fuck happened?"

"There was this text message, and I was sleeping. I guess she thought it'd be you or Jon or something, and it wasn't, so."

"Jesus Christ, Ryan." Spencer is starting to think Ryan will never learn. "Well, I don't want to say--"

"You told me so, okay. I fucking know you told me so." Ryan sounds a little broken, and Spencer's pissed at him for acting like the victim, but Ryan's still his best friend, so Spencer just says, "How long are you in Vegas?"

"I don't know. I was supposed to stay for the week, but I don't fucking know now. Maybe I'll come back tonight," Ryan says. "I need to get moved in and settled before Jon gets in anyway."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "And when you get here, I have to tell you something."

+

"So he actually said that?" Ryan and Spencer are lying next to each other on Spencer's, much bigger than Ryan's, air mattress. "That he's had this thing for _years_?"

"Yeah," Spencer says. "It's so fucked up, Ry. I guess he wants me to go find someone to fuck for a while and then let him know when that's out of my system."

"So why don't you?" Ryan studies Spencer for a moment. "I mean, he could be right, you know. He's been there since Haley left, buying your groceries and making sure you didn't smell like shit. Maybe you're just clinging to him because he's there."

Fuck Ryan for being so god damned level headed about this. "It's not about that," Spencer says.

"Then what is it about?" Ryan gets this intense look sometimes that a long time ago Spencer found a little creepy, but now it's just something Ryan does when he's trying to figure something out.

"I don't know. It's about _him_. It's about me. It's about, fucking, I don't know. But I know I don't want to go find some random person to string along for a while because Brendon wants me to," Spencer says.

"What if he's right, though?" Ryan says. Spencer hates it when Ryan tries to use logic on him, especially when it comes to relationships. Ryan knows better than anyone that relationships are rarely logical.

"What the fuck do you know? Didn't you just get dumped for cheating on your girlfriend of two years?" It's a really low blow, and Spencer knows it, but he's tired of talking to Ryan now. Even though it was his idea to bring this all up in the first place.

"Yeah," Ryan says. "Yeah, okay. I'm going to go sleep on the couch."

"Ryan, wait," Spencer says, but he doesn't have the energy to get up and follow Ryan downstairs.

+

Spencer hasn't actually spoken to Brendon in two days. He's managed to avoid him by staying in his room, unless he knows that Brendon's not home, or Brendon's sleeping. Unlike the last time, Brendon's been avoiding him too, so it's working out very well. Ryan's avoiding Spencer too, but that's not going to last much longer, and Spencer knows it. He was the one who was out of line, but he doesn't feel like apologizing to Ryan.

There's a tap on his door, but Spencer doesn't answer. If they think he's asleep, whoever it is will probably go away.

"Spence?" It's Regan, and she's got her nurturing voice on. "Hey, so, I was talking to Ryan,  
and he told me what's going on. Can I come in?" Spencer ignores her, but she opens the door anyway.

"Why did you ask, if you were just going to come in?"

Regan shrugs and says, "It seemed more polite that way. You should come downstairs. Shane made pancakes."

"Is Brendon downstairs?"

"You can't avoid him forever," she says. "You've still got a record to make."

"That's work. It's different," Spencer says.

"Yeah," Regan says. "He's not happy either, you know."

"It was his decision," Spencer says. "I'm not the one who told him to back off. Remind him of that."

"Yeah," Regan says. "Maybe you should be the one to do that." She sighs, walking back to the door. "He thought he was doing the right thing." She leaves without another word.

+

Spencer wakes up the next day, and he's tired and hungry and forgets that he's supposed to be cautious about when he goes downstairs. When he gets into the kitchen, Ryan and Brendon are sitting at the table. Ryan is staring at his phone, and Brendon is saying something about giving her time. Spencer's not sure which her Ryan is concerned with, and he doesn't find out. Ryan gets up and says, "Yeah, I'm just going to go try her again." He nods at Spencer as he walks out of the room.

"Hey," Brendon says. He's looking very intently at his Frosted Flakes.

"Hi," Spencer says. He goes to the fridge and pours himself some juice, grabs himself a muffin from the counter and sits down opposite Brendon at the table. They sit like that, Brendon stirring his cereal around in his milk, but not eating it, and Spencer picking at his muffin, for a few minutes before Brendon finally says, "This fucking sucks." Spencer puts his muffin down and pushes it away. He's lost his appetite. "I just don't want to fuck it up," Brendon says.

"There's nothing to fuck up," Spencer says. "You turned me down, remember?"

"It's not like that, Spence," Brendon says. "It's not about turning you down. You have to understand that."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "I get it, okay. But I don't think _you_ get it. I don't need a rebound period. I'm over Haley. I have been for a long time."

"You don't know that," Brendon says.

"I do know that," Spencer says. "I know that, and I want you to stop trying to push me to do something I don't want to do. I don't need it."

"Okay," Brendon says. "I'm still afraid that I'm going to fuck it up."

"That's okay," Spencer says. "Sometimes you'll fuck up. And sometimes I'll fuck up. And sometimes we'll spend three days living in the same house avoiding each other because we're both douchebags."

Brendon laughs and says, "How do you know this is what you really want? What if I'm just-"

"You're not 'just', okay, Brendon? I know that," Spencer says. "Now would you stop with that shit already? You know that I'm going to get my way, so just stop fighting with me about it, especially when, in this case, we actually both want the same thing."

"What about the band?" Brendon says.

"What _about_ the band? You think Jon or Ryan are going to care? And we just don't let it affect the band. When we walk into the studio, we're working, and that's it." It sounds easier than it is, and Spencer knows that, but right now he doesn't care.

"Okay," Brendon says. "You know this is probably the biggest mistake either of us is ever going to make, don't you?"

"It might be, and it might not be. We won't find out unless you stop being so god damned stubborn and get the fuck over here and kiss me again," Spencer says. "And don't run away this time."

Brendon nods, standing up and walking to the other side of the table. He leans down and kisses Spencer, just a press of lips at first. Spencer puts his arms around Brendon's waist and then pulls him down to straddle Spencer's lap. It's not as comfortable as it would be if Spencer weren't sitting in a hard, dining room chair, but Brendon is moving to kiss his cheek and his jaw and then his neck, and Spencer doesn't really care how comfortable the chair is. Brendon kisses Spencer's lips again, pressing their mouths together more desperately this time.

Someone clears their throat.

"Jesus, get a room, you two," Regan says.

"We have to eat on that table," Ryan adds, making a face.

"We wanted this to happen?" Shane asks.

"Well," Regan says, "it's better than them moping around like they lost their dogs all the time."

"Not if we have to see that every day," Ryan says.

"Whatever, man, you're out of here on Friday. We have to live with it," Shane says.

"Shut the fuck up, all of you," Spencer says. "Or we'll make an effort to make out in front of you all the time."

"All the time," Brendon says, nodding.

"I'm not hungry anymore," Shane says.

"I'm going to have to be on a _tour bus_ with them at some point," Ryan says. "You two are getting off easy."

Spencer decides to ignore them all, looking at Brendon instead. "What do you say we get the fuck out of here?"

"Where are we going?" Brendon asks, standing.

"Somewhere without an audience would be ideal," Spencer says.

Brendon tilts his head, like he's giving it serious thought. "Hm, yep. I think that is the best idea you've had pretty much ever."

+

Spencer spends the entire rest of the day in bed with Brendon. He thinks it sucks that if Brendon hadn't been so fucking stubborn they could have been doing this a long time ago. He's just glad that Brendon is completely worth the wait.

"I don't think I'm ever going to leave this bed," Spencer says. "Forget Ryan and Jon. Forget the band. Let's just do this all the time." Brendon smiles smugly and laughs in Spencer's ear. It's annoying in the way that it's also endearing, and Spencer hates Brendon a little for it. "What?" Spencer asks.

"Nothing," Brendon says. He kisses Spencer's jawline, just below his ear. "I told you this would be awesome," he whispers.

Spencer laughs loudly. "Yeah, sure," he says. "You're such a douchebag, seriously."

"Yeah, whatever. You think I'm awesome." Brendon grins.

"Yeah, yeah. I think you're awesome," Spencer says. "An awesome _douchebag_."

Brendon laughs, and Spencer thinks, _yeah, definitely worth the wait._


End file.
